I had not been working in the ICU very long, so it was very generous of the other nurses to let me be assigned to the fresh trauma patient. We all fight over fresh traumas, and this was a good one. It was unusual in that the guy had a very extensive and serious injury, but was still conscious. Most of the bad-off trauma cases are so bad off that they are either in a coma, or are sedated because they require a ventilator.
Honestly, I don't remember the patient's name, so we'll call him Ryan. He was my age. Ryan was my only patient that night because he required such close monitoring, so we spent a lot of time together. He had made a lot of bad choices in life, and there is nothing like sitting in an ICU bed on the brink of death to make you reevaluate things.
He was understandably very shaken up by the experience of falling from a 4 story building and being impaled on a fence post (see, i told you it was a good trauma). He spent a lot of time talking about his life, his relationship with his father, various mistakes he'd made, and what he'd like to do differently if he survived this injury. Mostly he was just processing out loud, and i served as a listening ear while i did my work.
Ryan was a hairy dude. The kind of guy who starts to show a 5 o'clock shadow around lunchtime. He had facial hair that started under his eyes and went all the way down his neck. He was still wearing a C-collar because he had upper extremity parasthesia and was awaiting an MRI to evaluate his spine. He hadn't been able to shave in 3 days, because he was too busy having his life saved. His neck was very itchy under the collar and it was really bothering him. He asked me to give him a shave (he couldn't use his arms to do it himself), to which i said, "Hell no I'm not taking that collar off, because i don't want to be the girl who makes you a quadriplegic."
He kept pestering me about it, and i kept saying no because it was too risky. An itchy neck versus lifelong spinal cord injury is kind of a no-brainer from a risk-benefit analysis.
Eventually he wore me down, and i consented. We had a deal that he was absolutely not allowed to move a single muscle while that collar was off, and he would not blame me if he sustained any paralysis as a result of this shave. I assembled my supplies and we began. It was a very suspenseful shave. I pretty much had no idea what i was doing (since i don't shave my face very often), and my hospital-issue razor was very dull. I was terrified that he would sneeze and sever his spinal cord. When i finished shaving him and refastened his c-collar, i told him, "Well it's definitely not the best shave you've ever had, but i hope it fixes the itching."
He replied, "It is the best shave i've ever had. You know why? Because you did it for me without any thought of what i would do for you in return."
-----------------------------------
Fast-forward several years: I'm a Stay At Home Mom now. I haven't been a SAHM very long, so i haven't had the time to reorient my identity around being a full-time mom. A month ago, i was a professional. My identity was largely defined by doing a super-intense job. Saving lives. I believed that my work was noble, and worthy of respect. So it's confusing to leave such an exceedingly all-consuming field, and instead spend the whole day on the floor with mini-me.
I was REALLY good at what i did. I experienced some very exciting and adrenaline-filled situations. I did work that mattered. I think, in contrast, about other women my age who have a job, but it's not necessarily a career. It's not something that defines them, or something they are inspired by. When they quit their empty, boring job in order to stay home with their darling babies, do they look back? Do they wonder if they are doing the right thing, or are they 100% gung-ho about staying home?
This past year, i ACHED to be able to stay home. I wanted it more than anything. I cried many a brokenhearted tear over it. I am thoroughly grateful for my change in circumstances, i truly am. I love that BabyGirl with my whole heart, and it's a delight to see her smile everyday.
But here's the thing. I believe that i became a nurse because God called me to do so. He gave me the talents and skills. He provided for my education, through my parents' generosity. He gave me the strength to keep going when i was vomited on, pooped on, yelled at, bitten, kicked, sexually harassed, etc. He predestined me to be a nurse, He called me to be a nurse, He empowered me to be a nurse.
And now it's over.
That's what i'm confused about. Is He okay that i'm not using those talents anymore? I mean, He really invested in me, and now i'm done.
I think today i received my answer. I had just laid the BabyGirl down for her nap, and was walking back to the living room to pick up Every Single Toy We Own from the floor. Out of nowhere, i heard those words from Ryan, "You're doing it without any thought of what she will do for you in return."
The tasks may be different, but the purpose is the same. I'm still taking care of a person who can't give me anything back. I'm not using IV's or ventilators or cardiac monitors to do it, but i hope that God will equip me for this career just like He equipped me for that one.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The Greatest and the Least
This is a story about two of the men i work with, Rob and John (names changed to protect the innocent).
Rob is the boss, but unfortunately not a good one. He is at the top of the totem pole of our department. John is a Patient Care Tech, or PTC. He is at the bottom of the totem pole.
Rob's demeanor gives us the impression that he couldn't care less about this job. He's not invested; it doesn't mean much to him. John is one of the hardest working people you will ever meet. His job might not seem illustrious or significant, but he does it with all his might. John has the attitude that if you are going to do something, you should do it well. John really is the backbone of our department.
There have been a few situations recently that have illustrated the difference in character of these two men. One example is Blizzard Day. I'm still mad at how my boss handled Blizzard Day. He showed no leadership, no planning, no thinking. He was just winging it. Blizzard Day was total chaos. There was not a clear method of communication with the staff or with our customers. It turned out that only about 7 out of 20+ people came to work that day. It was crazy busy, we had no idea what was going on, and each of us was doing the work of 4 people. As you might imagine, we didn't have time for a lunch break. One of the doctors ordered pizza, and it was made VERY CLEAR that the pizza was ONLY for doctors. The rest of us were strictly forbidden to eat any. My boss Rob happened to be sitting at the desk when my loudmouth co-worker Marlene walked up and said, "How come nobody told me we had pizza?!? Here i am starving with no lunchbreak and you guys have pizza!!!" To which we said, "Oh no honey, we aren't eating any pizza. It's only for doctors." She said to Rob, "Well where's our pizza?!?"
Rob said, and i only wish you could hear the tone of his voice (it was the tone of someone who is lying in order to look good), "Oh i tried, i really tried to order pizza for you guys, but no one is delivering today because of the snow."
We all knew that someone was delivering because there were three pizzas in the conference room at that very minute.
Rob just flat out didn't care.
John, on the other hand, after witnessing these events, snuck off to the cafeteria and bought more than a dozen cookies. With his own money. He brought them back, set them on the desk, and said, "I know you guys are really hungry so i got you some cookies. It's not a lot but hopefully it will tide you over for a little while."
It still brings tears to my eyes because it was so thoughtful. Here we have the man who is the least showing more concern than the man who is the greatest. The man who is the least was going above and beyond in order to help out his team. The man who is the least noticed a problem, and did his part to fix it.
Since that day, Rob has continued to be incompetent and making excuses for it. He FINALLY ordered the combo printer\copy machine we've needed forever, but he didn't arrange for anyone to install it. The delivery man took away the old printer (that didn't copy) and put the new printer-copier in its place, but no one from the Computer Nerd department set up the printer with the 3 computers. So we went from having a printer that didn't copy to having a copier that didn't print. Every day for 2 weeks, Rob assured everyone, "Don't worry! I talked to IT and they're sending someone."
Meanwhile, John continues to serve those around him. We have free coffee at my job, but it isn't good coffee. Personally, i ain't too proud for free coffee, but many of my coworkers are coffee snobs and refuse to drink it. They were spending a great deal of money on the Starbucks in the lobby. Someone found a really cool coffee-making contraption. I can't really describe it to you. It's sort of like a french press, but it isn't. I don't actually know what its official name is. The important features are that it doesn't use electricity, but it's easier to clean up than a french press. It doesn't take up much space. Anyway, Debbie is the ring-leader of the new coffee club. She brought the contraption and left it in the pantry for anyone to use. People take turns bringing in their favorite coffee. Once the coffee club got going, people started bringing in fancy creamers. Now a few people have their own mug, rather than the styrofoam cups. It has really blossomed into quite the sophisticated operation. The drawback though, is that it now takes up a lot of space. The benefit of the contraption was that you could store it easily. But now we have to store the contraption, several mugs, different brands of coffee, and containers of creamer. Well John is in charge of the pantry. He orders the supplies and keeps it maintained. He cleared off a shelf for all the coffee supplies, and sweet-talked the secretary into letting him borrow the label maker. He made an "Olson Cafe" label for the shelf and put all the paraphernalia there. Then he christened the new shelf by bringing his 80 year old mother's homemade pound cake, which is amazingly delicious with coffee.
I recognize that having a shelf labeled "Olson Cafe" doesn't sound like much to you. But if you could spend a day in my work environment you would see that it is a very big deal to us. In this job we have no voice. Our customers take advantage of us all the time. They yell at us, they make sexually inappropriate comments, they cross the line. Our boss and the people above him make strict rules without our input. They dictate how we do our jobs, when they don't actually know what our jobs are. So the Olson Cafe is the only thing that is our own. The Olson Cafe is how we take care of each other. It's how we share our generosity. Of the entire 6th floor, that one shelf in the pantry is the only place where we make the rules.
In the Olson kingdom, Rob is the greatest. But in the Olson Cafe, John is the king.
Rob is the boss, but unfortunately not a good one. He is at the top of the totem pole of our department. John is a Patient Care Tech, or PTC. He is at the bottom of the totem pole.
Rob's demeanor gives us the impression that he couldn't care less about this job. He's not invested; it doesn't mean much to him. John is one of the hardest working people you will ever meet. His job might not seem illustrious or significant, but he does it with all his might. John has the attitude that if you are going to do something, you should do it well. John really is the backbone of our department.
There have been a few situations recently that have illustrated the difference in character of these two men. One example is Blizzard Day. I'm still mad at how my boss handled Blizzard Day. He showed no leadership, no planning, no thinking. He was just winging it. Blizzard Day was total chaos. There was not a clear method of communication with the staff or with our customers. It turned out that only about 7 out of 20+ people came to work that day. It was crazy busy, we had no idea what was going on, and each of us was doing the work of 4 people. As you might imagine, we didn't have time for a lunch break. One of the doctors ordered pizza, and it was made VERY CLEAR that the pizza was ONLY for doctors. The rest of us were strictly forbidden to eat any. My boss Rob happened to be sitting at the desk when my loudmouth co-worker Marlene walked up and said, "How come nobody told me we had pizza?!? Here i am starving with no lunchbreak and you guys have pizza!!!" To which we said, "Oh no honey, we aren't eating any pizza. It's only for doctors." She said to Rob, "Well where's our pizza?!?"
Rob said, and i only wish you could hear the tone of his voice (it was the tone of someone who is lying in order to look good), "Oh i tried, i really tried to order pizza for you guys, but no one is delivering today because of the snow."
We all knew that someone was delivering because there were three pizzas in the conference room at that very minute.
Rob just flat out didn't care.
John, on the other hand, after witnessing these events, snuck off to the cafeteria and bought more than a dozen cookies. With his own money. He brought them back, set them on the desk, and said, "I know you guys are really hungry so i got you some cookies. It's not a lot but hopefully it will tide you over for a little while."
It still brings tears to my eyes because it was so thoughtful. Here we have the man who is the least showing more concern than the man who is the greatest. The man who is the least was going above and beyond in order to help out his team. The man who is the least noticed a problem, and did his part to fix it.
Since that day, Rob has continued to be incompetent and making excuses for it. He FINALLY ordered the combo printer\copy machine we've needed forever, but he didn't arrange for anyone to install it. The delivery man took away the old printer (that didn't copy) and put the new printer-copier in its place, but no one from the Computer Nerd department set up the printer with the 3 computers. So we went from having a printer that didn't copy to having a copier that didn't print. Every day for 2 weeks, Rob assured everyone, "Don't worry! I talked to IT and they're sending someone."
Meanwhile, John continues to serve those around him. We have free coffee at my job, but it isn't good coffee. Personally, i ain't too proud for free coffee, but many of my coworkers are coffee snobs and refuse to drink it. They were spending a great deal of money on the Starbucks in the lobby. Someone found a really cool coffee-making contraption. I can't really describe it to you. It's sort of like a french press, but it isn't. I don't actually know what its official name is. The important features are that it doesn't use electricity, but it's easier to clean up than a french press. It doesn't take up much space. Anyway, Debbie is the ring-leader of the new coffee club. She brought the contraption and left it in the pantry for anyone to use. People take turns bringing in their favorite coffee. Once the coffee club got going, people started bringing in fancy creamers. Now a few people have their own mug, rather than the styrofoam cups. It has really blossomed into quite the sophisticated operation. The drawback though, is that it now takes up a lot of space. The benefit of the contraption was that you could store it easily. But now we have to store the contraption, several mugs, different brands of coffee, and containers of creamer. Well John is in charge of the pantry. He orders the supplies and keeps it maintained. He cleared off a shelf for all the coffee supplies, and sweet-talked the secretary into letting him borrow the label maker. He made an "Olson Cafe" label for the shelf and put all the paraphernalia there. Then he christened the new shelf by bringing his 80 year old mother's homemade pound cake, which is amazingly delicious with coffee.
I recognize that having a shelf labeled "Olson Cafe" doesn't sound like much to you. But if you could spend a day in my work environment you would see that it is a very big deal to us. In this job we have no voice. Our customers take advantage of us all the time. They yell at us, they make sexually inappropriate comments, they cross the line. Our boss and the people above him make strict rules without our input. They dictate how we do our jobs, when they don't actually know what our jobs are. So the Olson Cafe is the only thing that is our own. The Olson Cafe is how we take care of each other. It's how we share our generosity. Of the entire 6th floor, that one shelf in the pantry is the only place where we make the rules.
In the Olson kingdom, Rob is the greatest. But in the Olson Cafe, John is the king.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Didn't You Hear That I'm a Good Mother?
I love joking around and having a good time with my customers at work. You can get a vibe immediately from walking in the room to know who is going to be fun and who is not. Recently i had a particular customer who was a prime candidate. Oh did we have a good time. She was a good-natured person and we made each other laugh. She was accompanied by her sister and her adult son. The sister gave us some good material for jokes. She was one of those people who thinks they know a lot, but actually doesn't. However, she was light-hearted enough that she didn't take herself too seriously and didn't mind making fun of herself.
The woman i was taking care of was having sinus surgery. The rule is that the location of the surgery has to be signed by a member of the surgical team. This is to prevent all those wrong-site surgeries you hear about on Dateline. You can't exactly put a signature on someone's sinuses, so we have these little temporary tattoos that look like a bulls eye, and we put it right above the nose. The surgeon signs the tattoo. I explained this whole thing to the woman having surgery, but her sister wasn't listening. After we applied the tattoo, the sister said, "Oh, those are the things they use for a brain scan!" The patient and her son burst out laughing, and proceeded to give her a really hard time about it.
The patient had very bad veins, and the nurse i was partnered with couldn't get the IV, so the task fell to me. I got a hot pack to put on the woman's wrist to plump up the vein i was flirting with, but i couldn't pop the hot pack to activate it. Her son had been sitting in the corner with headphones in the whole time, and she'd been making fun of him for it. I handed him the hot pack and said, "Hey, you in the corner! Make yourself useful and open this."
The patient said to me, "Do you have kids? Naw, you look too young to have kids!" I informed her proudly that i have a 10 month old BabyGirl, and she said, "Well i bet you are a great mother!"
I could have given her a big ole smooch for that! It definitely helped me recuperate from my Fabric Store experience, when a complete stranger judged my baby-raising skills. Now a semi-complete stranger thinks i'm a great mom! It made me feel great.
Unfortunately, the BabyGirl did not share my patient's opinion.
The BabyGirl has been going through a Difficult Phase. One aspect of this phase is that she hates mealtime. Whining, crying, blah blah blah, mealtime has been a real challenge. And the child has always been a great eater so i don't know what her major malfunction is. The Professor and i have conducted a full diagnostic investigation, and i can say with certainty that the problem is not physiological in nature.
One meal in particular we were butting heads. It was a clash of wills. My goal was that she would open her mouth, i insert food, she swallows food, and repeat so that WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY. Her goal was . . . I'm not sure exactly but it was definitely the opposite of my goal. She was giving me all kinds of disapproving looks, so i said to her, "I'll have you know that i'm a great mother!"
She was unimpressed.
If and when springtime ever comes, i'll prove it to her. We'll go to the zoo and look at the big kitties and have frozen lemonade and i'll buy her a balloon and we'll make crowns out of dandelions.
But until then, she's stuck in that highchair with me jamming pureed beets in her mouth.
The woman i was taking care of was having sinus surgery. The rule is that the location of the surgery has to be signed by a member of the surgical team. This is to prevent all those wrong-site surgeries you hear about on Dateline. You can't exactly put a signature on someone's sinuses, so we have these little temporary tattoos that look like a bulls eye, and we put it right above the nose. The surgeon signs the tattoo. I explained this whole thing to the woman having surgery, but her sister wasn't listening. After we applied the tattoo, the sister said, "Oh, those are the things they use for a brain scan!" The patient and her son burst out laughing, and proceeded to give her a really hard time about it.
The patient had very bad veins, and the nurse i was partnered with couldn't get the IV, so the task fell to me. I got a hot pack to put on the woman's wrist to plump up the vein i was flirting with, but i couldn't pop the hot pack to activate it. Her son had been sitting in the corner with headphones in the whole time, and she'd been making fun of him for it. I handed him the hot pack and said, "Hey, you in the corner! Make yourself useful and open this."
The patient said to me, "Do you have kids? Naw, you look too young to have kids!" I informed her proudly that i have a 10 month old BabyGirl, and she said, "Well i bet you are a great mother!"
I could have given her a big ole smooch for that! It definitely helped me recuperate from my Fabric Store experience, when a complete stranger judged my baby-raising skills. Now a semi-complete stranger thinks i'm a great mom! It made me feel great.
Unfortunately, the BabyGirl did not share my patient's opinion.
The BabyGirl has been going through a Difficult Phase. One aspect of this phase is that she hates mealtime. Whining, crying, blah blah blah, mealtime has been a real challenge. And the child has always been a great eater so i don't know what her major malfunction is. The Professor and i have conducted a full diagnostic investigation, and i can say with certainty that the problem is not physiological in nature.
One meal in particular we were butting heads. It was a clash of wills. My goal was that she would open her mouth, i insert food, she swallows food, and repeat so that WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY. Her goal was . . . I'm not sure exactly but it was definitely the opposite of my goal. She was giving me all kinds of disapproving looks, so i said to her, "I'll have you know that i'm a great mother!"
She was unimpressed.
If and when springtime ever comes, i'll prove it to her. We'll go to the zoo and look at the big kitties and have frozen lemonade and i'll buy her a balloon and we'll make crowns out of dandelions.
But until then, she's stuck in that highchair with me jamming pureed beets in her mouth.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Challenge the Process: Success!
I really like the topic of leadership. I enjoy reading about it, and i like to flatter myself by thinking that i have some leadership skills. (Mostly i'm just super-opinionated about how i think things should be done. That doesn't necessarily equal leadership.) I don't, however, have a venue to practice my leadership skills, except for the occasional Women's Retreat at church.
There are two leadership podcasts that I'm into: Catalyst and Andy Stanley. I used to always listen to them on my bus ride to work. In March of 2010 i temporarily broke up with the Catalyst podcast, for reasons that you aren't interested in and would take us on an unrecoverable tangent. I was on a leave of absence from work for 3 months, and since there was no bus ride, i didn't listen to my podcasts. When i returned to work i gave Catalyst another shot. My ride into work was so inspiring as i listened to world-renown leaders talk about their ideas and their new ways of doing things. People out there were thinking outside the box and making things happen. It made me so energetic and hopeful.
Well, it made me energetic and hopeful . . . up until i walked through the front door of my institution. Then on the elevator ride to the 6th floor, and in the locker room where i changed into my work clothes, everything changed. I was enveloped by the monotony, the inefficiency, the status quo, the lack of forward-thinking. It was just too painful to remember the leadership lessons i heard 15 minutes before. It's a huge corporation with an organizational structure like a telephone pole, and i am but a tiny speck.
This morning, for the first time in a long time, i listened to Catalyst again. It was an interview with author Seth Godin. I have heard him interviewed before, and absolutely loved what he had to say. My only exposure to him is these 2 interviews (i haven't read his books, though i would like to). Oh my goodness was i ready to change the world after hearing him speak. After the interview finished, i still had time left on my bus ride so i listened to the first few minutes of an Andy Stanly leadership podcast about "Challenge the Process."
My mind jumped into action and i started deconstructing all the processes of my workday. Reevaluating everything. Seth Godin is big into "doing work that matters". He says that the industrial age is over, and we need to start acting like it. Well my job is nothing but an assembly line in a huge factory. We churn out the same product day in and day out, and the whole operation is VERY systematized. These systems haven't been honestly reevaluated, like, ever. Andy Stanley read a quote from a book i don't remember the name of that said something along the lines of "any system will unconsciously conspire to maintain the status quo and prevent change." Systems aren't bad; you need systems in order to get work done. But you don't want to get stuck in a rut, therefore you have to analyze your processes every now and then.
And boy did i analyze them, there on bus 147. Many issues were so deep and multifaceted that there were no easy solutions. One thing was clear, though. The "2G Note" doesn't make any sense. Now don't concern yourself with what "2G Note" means. It's just a particular document we have to fill out on each and every one of our customers. The problem is that two or three different employees fill out the EXACT SAME form. Why are we each doing the same thing? Is it really necessary to do all this double work?
Now if you remember, i am just a tiny speck. I don't have a voice. I tried to muster up my courage to have a conversation with my boss and present my case. I needed to rehearse it a few times in my head, because i tend to be pretty judgemental of my boss, and i didn't want to accidentally say something that would make him defensive.
The workday got started with a bang and i was pretty busy. At some point in the late morning, my boss appeared and gathered a few of us together to make An Announcement. We don't have to do the "2G Note" anymore! It's like he read my mind! How many times in life can you be fortunate enough to get what you are asking for without having to ask it!
It is pretty much the only time that i've learned a leadership principle on my way to work and been able to put it into practice that very day. I learned a lesson though. I know that my overall attitude towards my job is negative. And i definitely don't want to be my own roadblock to change. You know how a bad attitude can prevent you from thinking clearly? Now that i've had a work victory (albeit a small one), I need to stop this doom-and-gloom demeanor. Seth Godin talked in his interview about the importance of generosity. It's generosity that makes work matter.
Cheers to challenging the process - both in my workflow and in my outlook.
There are two leadership podcasts that I'm into: Catalyst and Andy Stanley. I used to always listen to them on my bus ride to work. In March of 2010 i temporarily broke up with the Catalyst podcast, for reasons that you aren't interested in and would take us on an unrecoverable tangent. I was on a leave of absence from work for 3 months, and since there was no bus ride, i didn't listen to my podcasts. When i returned to work i gave Catalyst another shot. My ride into work was so inspiring as i listened to world-renown leaders talk about their ideas and their new ways of doing things. People out there were thinking outside the box and making things happen. It made me so energetic and hopeful.
Well, it made me energetic and hopeful . . . up until i walked through the front door of my institution. Then on the elevator ride to the 6th floor, and in the locker room where i changed into my work clothes, everything changed. I was enveloped by the monotony, the inefficiency, the status quo, the lack of forward-thinking. It was just too painful to remember the leadership lessons i heard 15 minutes before. It's a huge corporation with an organizational structure like a telephone pole, and i am but a tiny speck.
This morning, for the first time in a long time, i listened to Catalyst again. It was an interview with author Seth Godin. I have heard him interviewed before, and absolutely loved what he had to say. My only exposure to him is these 2 interviews (i haven't read his books, though i would like to). Oh my goodness was i ready to change the world after hearing him speak. After the interview finished, i still had time left on my bus ride so i listened to the first few minutes of an Andy Stanly leadership podcast about "Challenge the Process."
My mind jumped into action and i started deconstructing all the processes of my workday. Reevaluating everything. Seth Godin is big into "doing work that matters". He says that the industrial age is over, and we need to start acting like it. Well my job is nothing but an assembly line in a huge factory. We churn out the same product day in and day out, and the whole operation is VERY systematized. These systems haven't been honestly reevaluated, like, ever. Andy Stanley read a quote from a book i don't remember the name of that said something along the lines of "any system will unconsciously conspire to maintain the status quo and prevent change." Systems aren't bad; you need systems in order to get work done. But you don't want to get stuck in a rut, therefore you have to analyze your processes every now and then.
And boy did i analyze them, there on bus 147. Many issues were so deep and multifaceted that there were no easy solutions. One thing was clear, though. The "2G Note" doesn't make any sense. Now don't concern yourself with what "2G Note" means. It's just a particular document we have to fill out on each and every one of our customers. The problem is that two or three different employees fill out the EXACT SAME form. Why are we each doing the same thing? Is it really necessary to do all this double work?
Now if you remember, i am just a tiny speck. I don't have a voice. I tried to muster up my courage to have a conversation with my boss and present my case. I needed to rehearse it a few times in my head, because i tend to be pretty judgemental of my boss, and i didn't want to accidentally say something that would make him defensive.
The workday got started with a bang and i was pretty busy. At some point in the late morning, my boss appeared and gathered a few of us together to make An Announcement. We don't have to do the "2G Note" anymore! It's like he read my mind! How many times in life can you be fortunate enough to get what you are asking for without having to ask it!
It is pretty much the only time that i've learned a leadership principle on my way to work and been able to put it into practice that very day. I learned a lesson though. I know that my overall attitude towards my job is negative. And i definitely don't want to be my own roadblock to change. You know how a bad attitude can prevent you from thinking clearly? Now that i've had a work victory (albeit a small one), I need to stop this doom-and-gloom demeanor. Seth Godin talked in his interview about the importance of generosity. It's generosity that makes work matter.
Cheers to challenging the process - both in my workflow and in my outlook.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Where is my telephone booth?
I had a horrible day at work.
This is our busy season, so it's really hectic. Additionally, we are 2 staff members short. Plus it's flu\cold season so someone is always out sick.
The first half of my day went really well. I was in a good rhythm, i was working quickly, everyone i took care of was nice, it was a pleasure to serve them, and i was pleased with myself for doing a good job. And then i was assigned The Guy Who Ruined My Day. We'll call him Marty. Marty was really, really, weird. He was a talker, so everything you had to do took 5 times as long. I said, "Marty, do you need a pain pill?" And 10 minutes later after a non-stop stream of words that had nothing to do with pain or pills, I just walked out of the room. Marty sucked up so much of my time that my other patients thought i had quit. In a nutshell, he threw off my groove.
In the late afternoon, i was just plan exhausted. Hours and hours of running my butt off without time to sit down or eat or even use the bathroom were starting to wear on me. My patients were whiny and clingy and needy, needy, needy. Obviously i get it, they are in the hospital so naturally they are needy. My tolerance for neediness is pretty low when i myself am not able to meet my own physical needs. I just wanted a minute or two to sit down in peace and quiet without everyone demanding 8 things, simultaneously, RIGHT NOW.
I'm telling you this tale like it's something new or unusual. It's not. We all know that. It's not unique to my profession, everyone has days like this if they work in a field that requires them to interact with other human beings. I've had these days before, and i'll have them again. However, there is a new element to my life that made this experience at work new and confusing to me.
First I'll tell you how it used to be. Used to be, I'd have a chaotic, crazy day at work filled with people demanding things from me. They had to come first and i had to come last. I'd bide my time until 12.5 hours was up and then bada-bing! I'm free. I can go unwind however i want. I could say to my husband, "people have been yelling at me all day long, and i need a break. I'm going to have some quiet me-time now. Please give me some time to chill, and most importantly, don't ask me for a bedpan\pain meds\barf bag\etc." When my shift was over, I could be free of responsibility.
Now there is a development: I have a baby. When i come home, she doesn't comprehend the fact that people have been sucking the life out of me all day long. She doesn't care that I've already wiped 100 butts today. I've already been thrown up on today. I've already witnessed crying today. When i come home, she's pooping and spitting and crying. Now there is no chance of sitting perfectly still in a dark room and relishing the sound of silence. I come home, and the neediness continues. The demands continue. The responsibility is still there.
I haven't adjusted to this yet. I know that we all lead double lives. We have work and we have family. We wear multiple hats, and we have multiple selves. Maybe it would be a little easier if my work life and my home life didn't involve the exact same tasks? You know, like if i was a bank teller. I handle papers and numbers all day long, and then i go home to feeding\spitting\pooping.
Clark Kent had a creative solution to the issue of multiplicity. When a situation required him to change from one role to another, he quickly ducked into a telephone booth and changed his clothes. Presto chango! Easy as that. So really, what my situation needs, is a telephone booth. After a full day of blood and guts, I simply swing by a telephone booth on my way home from work, change into my red cape, and then i'm ready to save the domestic world.
Naturally, i want to give all my time and energy to my precious BabyGirl. I want to put her needs first and my needs last. But what do i do when the entire world gets to me first? When the healthcare industry uses and abuses me until i crawl home with nothing left to give to the people who mean the whole world to me? Given the choice of that big drooly smile, or Marty the Rambler, I'll choose my bundle-of-joy every time. Unfortunately, it's Marty who ultimately pays the mortgage and provides health insurance, so I have to keep going back for more.
Before you have kids, you hear about all the sacrifices that parenthood entails. In my mind, those sacrifices included things like sleepless nights, stains on your clothes, baby paraphenalia all over your house. I only considered the types of sacrifices you make while you are physically with the baby. Such as, "i've been holding you for an hour trying to get you to sleep, and i have to pee SO BAD, but I'll pee on this rocking chair before i wake you up again." Now i see that there are sacrifices that drive us away from our beautiful babies. Going to work to face the ever-needy horde is a sacrifice i make for her well-being. And for as long as i have to make this sacrifice, Lord give me grace to do it.
This is our busy season, so it's really hectic. Additionally, we are 2 staff members short. Plus it's flu\cold season so someone is always out sick.
The first half of my day went really well. I was in a good rhythm, i was working quickly, everyone i took care of was nice, it was a pleasure to serve them, and i was pleased with myself for doing a good job. And then i was assigned The Guy Who Ruined My Day. We'll call him Marty. Marty was really, really, weird. He was a talker, so everything you had to do took 5 times as long. I said, "Marty, do you need a pain pill?" And 10 minutes later after a non-stop stream of words that had nothing to do with pain or pills, I just walked out of the room. Marty sucked up so much of my time that my other patients thought i had quit. In a nutshell, he threw off my groove.
In the late afternoon, i was just plan exhausted. Hours and hours of running my butt off without time to sit down or eat or even use the bathroom were starting to wear on me. My patients were whiny and clingy and needy, needy, needy. Obviously i get it, they are in the hospital so naturally they are needy. My tolerance for neediness is pretty low when i myself am not able to meet my own physical needs. I just wanted a minute or two to sit down in peace and quiet without everyone demanding 8 things, simultaneously, RIGHT NOW.
I'm telling you this tale like it's something new or unusual. It's not. We all know that. It's not unique to my profession, everyone has days like this if they work in a field that requires them to interact with other human beings. I've had these days before, and i'll have them again. However, there is a new element to my life that made this experience at work new and confusing to me.
First I'll tell you how it used to be. Used to be, I'd have a chaotic, crazy day at work filled with people demanding things from me. They had to come first and i had to come last. I'd bide my time until 12.5 hours was up and then bada-bing! I'm free. I can go unwind however i want. I could say to my husband, "people have been yelling at me all day long, and i need a break. I'm going to have some quiet me-time now. Please give me some time to chill, and most importantly, don't ask me for a bedpan\pain meds\barf bag\etc." When my shift was over, I could be free of responsibility.
Now there is a development: I have a baby. When i come home, she doesn't comprehend the fact that people have been sucking the life out of me all day long. She doesn't care that I've already wiped 100 butts today. I've already been thrown up on today. I've already witnessed crying today. When i come home, she's pooping and spitting and crying. Now there is no chance of sitting perfectly still in a dark room and relishing the sound of silence. I come home, and the neediness continues. The demands continue. The responsibility is still there.
I haven't adjusted to this yet. I know that we all lead double lives. We have work and we have family. We wear multiple hats, and we have multiple selves. Maybe it would be a little easier if my work life and my home life didn't involve the exact same tasks? You know, like if i was a bank teller. I handle papers and numbers all day long, and then i go home to feeding\spitting\pooping.
Clark Kent had a creative solution to the issue of multiplicity. When a situation required him to change from one role to another, he quickly ducked into a telephone booth and changed his clothes. Presto chango! Easy as that. So really, what my situation needs, is a telephone booth. After a full day of blood and guts, I simply swing by a telephone booth on my way home from work, change into my red cape, and then i'm ready to save the domestic world.
Naturally, i want to give all my time and energy to my precious BabyGirl. I want to put her needs first and my needs last. But what do i do when the entire world gets to me first? When the healthcare industry uses and abuses me until i crawl home with nothing left to give to the people who mean the whole world to me? Given the choice of that big drooly smile, or Marty the Rambler, I'll choose my bundle-of-joy every time. Unfortunately, it's Marty who ultimately pays the mortgage and provides health insurance, so I have to keep going back for more.
Before you have kids, you hear about all the sacrifices that parenthood entails. In my mind, those sacrifices included things like sleepless nights, stains on your clothes, baby paraphenalia all over your house. I only considered the types of sacrifices you make while you are physically with the baby. Such as, "i've been holding you for an hour trying to get you to sleep, and i have to pee SO BAD, but I'll pee on this rocking chair before i wake you up again." Now i see that there are sacrifices that drive us away from our beautiful babies. Going to work to face the ever-needy horde is a sacrifice i make for her well-being. And for as long as i have to make this sacrifice, Lord give me grace to do it.
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