Celebrating a Difficult Kindergarten Year

You may recall that Sunny had a great deal of trepidation on her first day of kindergarten. Thanks to the encouragement and prayers of family members, she bravely went through with it. What we didn't know on that first day was that the same Bible verse of "be strong and courageous" as well as the motivation of "you can do this!" would be required not just on the first day, but throughout the entire year.

Someone came up with a rule that on your child's first day of school, you are supposed to take a picture of them by your front door holding a chalkboard sign that says (in fancy lettering, of course) "First day of Kindergarten 2016." Naturally your child will be dressed in the latest back-to-school fashions with their hair styled perfectly. The whole point of this is to subsequently share the photo on social media.

Well, we broke the rule. Mornings do not agree with Sunny and i, so there was no expertly styled hair nor was there any spare time for pictures by our front door. Instead we hopped in the car with oatmeal residue still on her face and zoomed like escaped convicts to the school so that she wouldn't be late on her first day.

The same rule applies to the last day of school, except on the last day you have two options. You can either 1) retake another picture in the same spot as the first day and collage the two side-by-side to illustrate how much your child has grown, or 2) take a picture of your child hugging his/her kindergarten teacher with glowing smiles on both their faces. Option Number Two also involves a write-up about how wonderful the teacher was and how thankful you are for his/her role in influencing your child for good.

For a couple of weeks in May/June, facebook is filled with these end-of-the-year pictures. When i saw people posting pictures from Option Number Two, it really got to me. The reason it affected me was because the image of a happy, hardworking teacher hugging a beaming, fulfilled child was the exact opposite of our experience.

Sunny's first year of school was a huge challenge. She herself thankfully didn't know how difficult it was because she had nothing to compare it to. My problem was that i had way too much to compare it to. I don't remember my kindergarten teacher, but i sure remember the teacher i had in first grade. She was a legend. She was the epitome of everything a godly teacher should be. She was nurturing, caring, and wonderfully soft to hug. It's as if when God invented the job description of a loving first grade teacher, she was the prototype He used to build all the others.

I attended a private Christian school and Sunny is in public school, so of course i didn't expect her teacher to be exactly the same as a Christian teacher. But i did at the very least think that a kindergarten teacher would behave like someone who likes young children.

A couple of months into the school year, i found out that our school is a struggling, over-crowded, low-performing Title I school. I learned that the teachers were all horribly burnt out and exhausted. I could look in their eyes and see that on some days they wanted to quit on the spot. There are way more children with issues than can be accommodated. A couple of times a month, one of the troubled kids in Sunny's class would have a violent outburst of aggression that resulted in either physical damage to the classroom or physical injury to other students.

So when i was faced with other families' joyful pictures on the last day of school, i decided that we needed to have a major celebration. Sunny's kindergarten experience was awful but you know what? SHE DID IT. She made it through. Every day she returned to a room full of crisis, anxiety, and yelling. We all made it through, because it took a lot out of the Professor and I too. Because she wasn't aware of how tough her school conditions were, she wasn't aware of how admirable her perseverance was.

We kept the whole thing a surprise. The Professor picked her up from school while Bright Eyes and i set everything up (with Dimples following around trying to undo all our work). There were balloons, posters, noise blower things, and confetti. We sat in the front yard straining our eyes to catch a glimpse of the car coming down the street. As soon as they were in range, we held the posters up high and went to town on our noise blowers. The Professor pulled into the driveway and when Sunny got out of the car we cheered and threw confetti into the air.

At times she can hate being the center of a big fuss but i could tell she was touched. I feel confident that our little family party communicated what i wanted it to: that she is special and we are all behind her.

Who knows what her first grade year will hold, but i am so proud of her and thankful that the Lord carried her through that experience.

Confetti face 

 Dimples and Sunny

Posters

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

She had been scared about it for quite some time.

She mentioned on several occasions that she didn't want to go; she wanted to learn at home like her friend Addy.

To ease Sunny into the idea of starting kindergarten, I checked out several books from the library about "My First Day of School." It gave us the opportunity to talk through the new experiences she would have. In most of the books, the main character rides the bus to school. I happened to mention that she would not ride the bus. I would drive her to school, where she would line up on the playground and walk inside with her class.

She declared immediately, "NO! I won't go! I'll grab onto you and scream!"

Honestly, that was exactly what I expected. We had visited a new church over the summer, and when I took her to her class, she clung to me and cried. They had to pry her off of me and bear hug her while I dashed out of the room. I pictured that very scene repeated at school, with a hundred other kids and their parents watching.

As the day of reckoning drew painfully close, we focused on how to seek God in the midst of fear. Naturally, the famous Joshua 1:9 was at the forefront:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged,
for the Lord Your God will be with you wherever you go.

I asked family members to write her letters of encouragement. She received a couple of letters, which she kept hidden under her bed with her personal treasures. The letter from my dad talked about—if you can believe it—Joshua and courage. We read it each night at bedtime.

At last the fateful day arrived and moved from the realm of hypothetical to reality. We were, shockingly (haha), running late. We rushed out the door and sped the 4 minutes to school. We arrived at the playground and located line #2. She got in line, where we hugged and did our standard Bye Words. Then more children started assembling and her anxiety mounted. She said, with an undertone of panic to her voice, "I don't want to go! Please let me stay with you."

I knelt down and took both her hands. I told her to remember the words from Granddaddy's letter: You can do this! I told her about Joshua having courage when he was afraid. We repeated several times, "You can do this!"

And by some miracle, she believed it. She remained fixed on her yellow line while I moved off to the side. She didn't cling to me or follow after me. There were kids everywhere now and it was very loud. There was a paparazzi of parents snapping pictures on their smartphones. I don't have a smartphone, but I had brought the camera. I yelled to her above the din, "Can I take your picture?" She meekly nodded yes. I reached for my purse but it wasn't there. It was at home, sitting on the kitchen counter. Without any technology or devices taking up our focus, we were left with nothing but old fashioned human experience. I have no digital image to preserve the moment, only the memory etched forever in my mind.

Separated by a throng of boisterous elementary schoolers, we maintained eye contact across the distance. We couldn't hear each other to yell words of encouragement, so we communicated with our hearts and our faces. It looked exactly like the dramatic train-station goodbyes you see in movies.

Her teacher wisely knew that she needed some extra care. She came and took Sunny's hand to escort her along the way. And then my precious girl marched off to school, brave and strong. I was so, so proud of her.

The visual of the back of her auburn head and favorite purple dress as she walked away from me hit me hard. There she goes, off into the world, and things will never be the same again.

I exhaled slowly and thought, "Wow. That was a fast five years."

Except no. No it wasn't.

Those five years were HARD EARNED. But now that I am placing my most valuable possession in the care of another, every moment that she was under my wing became precious. As Jessie sings in Toy Story 2, "Every hour we spent together is within my heart."

Her little years, intense as they may have been, are officially over. She's a school girl now. It was one small step to get on line #2, but a giant leap for her to voluntarily walk forth into the unknown. Kindly, mild-mannered Mrs. Porter didn't know that as she held Sunny's hand, she was leading her into the future.

With a heart full of hopes, dreams, longings, and expectation, I used all my energy not to sob openly in front of all the smartphone strangers. My baby just walked away and I can't follow. Get to the van, get to the van, I thought. When in the van, there were kids to buckle into their car seats and other tasks such that I never did get the emotional release of a good cry.

We arrived back at home again, where the walls were singing this song:

Bright Eyes and Dimples couldn't figure out why their goofy mama wouldn't quit smothering them with hugs. One day their turn will come to walk away from me too and I have to soak up all the time until then. I set about to staring at the clock until 1:25pm. I couldn't get there fast enough to hear how it went and guys! Guess what:

SHE DID IT.

Peace and Strengthening

I'm here to tell you that all the rumors about 3-year-olds are true.

It's common knowledge these days that "three is the new two," but until you experience it personally, you don't know what you are in for. Three started out with a bang around here. The birthday candles had barely cooled off when night terrors threw our whole household into crisis.

From there, it snowballed.

At the kick-off of the new semester of a mom's Bible study that I attend, the icebreaker question was "What's your favorite thing about being a mom?"

Everything inside me withered. Please don't ask me that question right now.

The other moms proceeded with their flowery and inspiring answers:

"Snuggling."

"My son sitting in my lap while I read to him."

"How can I choose just one favorite? I love it all!"

Give me a break. I couldn't even take the sarcastic route and say "Bedtime," because that wouldn't be true. I despise bedtime. The only thing worse than waketime is nighttime. I nearly become an atheist every night at 7:00pm.

Instead I replied slowly, "The truth is, there's not a whole lot about being a mom that is enjoyable right now."

After a moment of awkward silence, they shrugged it off and moved on. They went home to snuggles and story time while I went home thinking that maybe i'm just not cut out for this.

Until one day, glory be, we had a breakthrough.

Our church has been studying the book of Acts. Recently we read about Saul's conversion. As a result of Saul no longer travelling around killing Christians, life got easier for the followers of Jesus. Here's how it's described:

Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace and was strengthened. Living in the fear of the Lord and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it increased in numbers.

On the BabyGirl's half birthday, something clicked. It was as if her mind had been abducted by aliens and held captive on the mothership for the past six months, and was finally returned back to its rightful owner. Someone drew back the curtains and let in some light. She became human again.

A few winters ago I was listening to the radio while riding to work at the ungodly hour of 5am. Five o'clock in the morning in the dead of winter is miserably cold. Heck, the middle of the day is miserably cold in the dead of winter. But 5am is a dark, lonely, windy, ungodly cold. The radio hosts were celebrating because that particular day was the shortest day of the year.

Now, the shortest day of the year might not immediately sound like a cause for celebration. Pause for a second to consider the implications: after the shortest day, each subsequent day gets progressively longer. Tomorrow will have more sunlight than today. And the day after tomorrow will have more still. And there will be more the day after that, and the day after that, until—a full day's worth of sunlight! Warmth! Light! Life! Leaves and chirping birds and cookouts at the beach!

Crossing the shortest day of the year off the calendar is the best feeling in the world. It can only get brighter from there. It can only bring you farther from darkness and closer to light. Yes, tomorrow will still be short. It will still be cold. But it won't be as short as today.

That is what I am fervently hoping in regards to the BabyGirl's half birthday. Three is halfway done. Each day will get a few more moments of sunlight from here on out. Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright.

Already the sunny-ness of her personality is returning. She's back to her old affectionate self. She runs up to me and gives me a hug for no reason. She tells me how glad she is that we are spending time together. She pats Bright Eyes' back and says she's glad they are sisters. She is eager to help. She proactively meets the needs of others without being asked/cajoled/threatened.

We are enjoying a time of peace and being strengthened. The threat to our lives has been removed, and now we can breathe again. We are free to move about the country. I feel like the woman who found her lost coin. "Rejoice with me, friends! I have found my lost coin!" I have found my lost BabyGirl, and she is a treasure.
 

Bright Eyes Speaks Her Mind

Bright Eyes is now four months old! Thankfully, she seems to be understanding life a lot better now. She has become more mellow and predictable during the day. However, she's still wild and crazy at night.

She had her four month checkup this week, and the verdict was: healthy with a touch of reflux. They said she was a very fine specimen of a baby girl. Her favorite activities currently are sucking on her hands, wiggling and watching her big sister. She devotes 100% of her wakeful moments to the pursuit of sucking her thumb. She's not quite there yet, and she will do nothing else until she masters it. This means that she's a big drooly mess all day long. She used to go through multiple outfits a day due to spitting up; now she goes through clothes because of the drool. Nonetheless, she's adorable and we're glad that she is ours!



Sucking on her hands, of course

 

Smiling, but with a finger in her mouth

 

Big smile

She's definitely been making herself heard recently. Being a person naturally given to extremes, she likes to be as loud and shrill as she can. It gives her great satisfaction to make a lot of high-pitched noise:

Happy ThirtyTWO!

Two weekends ago we celebrated The Professor's birthday. He is now thirty-two. The BabyGirl believes that he is just two, but we've been trying to convince her that he is actually thirty-two. She mostly doesn't buy it, but occasionally she'll say "firty-TWOOOO!!!" She herself turned two back in April, and at the time we worked so exuberantly to teach her that when people ask, "How old are you?" the answer is "TWOOO!!!" The trouble is, now she thinks that two is the answer when asking about everyone, not just herself.

Having a brand-new baby limited us somewhat in our celebrations; we weren't able to do anything super exciting. On The Professor's birthday eve we drove across town to the Dead Marshes Mall (it only has about 2 stores left and everything else is vacant—very creepy) to eat dinner at Chick-fil-A. You'd think that after so many years of living without Chick-fil-A that we would take advantage of this one and go there more often, but we don't. So it was a special treat.

Happy birthday, Professor!

There's a VIDEO in the kids' meal?!?

 

 

We both love Chick-fil-A lemonade!

Except it's incredibly sweet and potent and i forgot to ask them to dilute it. 

For a toddler, it's basically like crack. 

It was Bright Eyes' very first time at Chick-fil-A in her whole baby life!

You can see that it was quite an experience for her.

 

Another noteworthy thing about this birthday for The Professor was that it marked the half-life of his car. He has now had it for half of his life! He loves that car and it has treated him very well the past 16 years. They had a long-distance relationship for a long time while we lived in the Big City, but now are happily reunited.

The BabyGirl, Bright Eyes, and i are all extremely thankful for The Professor and so honored to have him in our lives. We love you, Professor!
 

Bringing Cosmic Back

Were you starting to get bored with how peaceful and happy this blog had become? The last several months were all "we're so thankful for this" and "we're praying for that." There was a significant lack of drama or emotional crisis, and it was starting to creep me out. I was afraid that i'd have to rename the blog "Life Is Going Fine," because it had become a misnomer to say that Life Is Cosmic.

Well, never fear! A new development in our lives is definitely bringing cosmic back.

Allow me to introduce Bright Eyes:

Bright Eyes is VERY cosmic. Whatever particular thing she is experiencing at a given moment, she experiences it 150%. Most human beings go through a progression of "I'm a little bit hungry" to "Yes i'm definitely hungry" to "Okay I'm very hungry now." Bright Eyes, on the other hand, is completely non-hungry one minute and the very next she's screaming, "GOOD LORD I'M HUNGRY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!? DON'T YOU KNOW A HUNGRY BABY WHEN YOU SEE ONE?!?"

The BabyGirl was a very peaceful and serene baby. I remember when she got some shots at her 2 month checkup, it was the first time i heard her really cry. It broke my heart. Bright Eyes, however, cries at that level on a daily basis. In her defense, she's been having some tummy trouble. We recently started her on reflux medication and she's much happier as a result.

It's not just Bright Eyes herself that is making life cosmic. The general combination of sleep deprivation, post partum hormones, and weeks of physical pain from a difficult delivery adds to the chaos. We all love Bright Eyes dearly, but we will love her much more when we don't have to see her at 2:00 am.

The newborn period is sooooo hard. It's a wonder anyone survives. Mostly i just want to fast-forward a few months. But then i feel guilty because she's my precious daughter yet i want to skip part of her life.

I was watching something on youtube the other day, and before the video played i saw one of the P & G Olympic mom ads. I've googled this ad a million times to try to find it again and it's nowhere to be found. It would be so much better if you could just watch it rather than me describing it to you. It was about one of the gymnasts. It showed a clip of her in the Olympics and her mom up in the stands cheering. The narrator said, "Jordyn Wieber knows that her biggest fan . . . is also her first fan." Then it showed a picture of Jordyn's mom holding teeny baby Jordyn.

Of course my poor hormonal, overtired self cried my eyes out. Because right now i'm holding teeny baby Bright Eyes, but one day she may be an Olympian. Or an astronaut. Or a Nobel Prize winner. Or President of the United States. And even if she's the checkout lady at the Evil Dominion of Hy-Vee, i'm her first fan. I'll always be cheering. Right now i cheer when she lifts her head off the floor during tummy time. I'll cheer when she rolls over, and when she walks. I'll cheer at her ballet recitals or softball games or track meets. I'll cheer when she graduates from high school and college.

Yes, Bright Eyes is cosmic. She spits up all over the place and she's more likely to smile at the ceiling fan than at me. But i love her and i'm her first fan.
  

BabyGirl Meets Baby Sister

Big Girl Bed

Someone slept in her new bed last night!

And this is what her room looked like when we got her up in the morning:

#2 Makes Her Debut

We had our 20 week ultrasound today, and (as you've all heard by now) we're having another girl!

Allow me to introduce you:

(If you blinked during that video,

then you missed the whole thing and will have to wach it again)

I guess this means that The Professor will have to retire his baseball glove and start breaking in a softball glove! We're very happy to be having another little sweetheart.

Here's another picture, just for the heck of it:

It's very clearly labelled, so that you don't get confused as to what you are looking at. I think this is because during the ultrasound, the BabyGirl kept calling it a lion. The ultrasound tech wanted to inform you that it is in fact a baby, not a lion.