Monster Penguin

The BabyGirl owns an adorable pink piggy bank, which we had not yet unpacked since moving. It wasn't safe for it to emerge from its box until we had a secure, out-of-reach location for it. Finally, we bought some shelves for the BabyGirl's room, so we unpacked the adorable piggy bank. The BabyGirl and i both were very surprised to find MORE stuffed animals in the box! You see, the BabyGirl owns a plethora of stuffed animals. So many animals. As many as we already had, i was shocked to discover even more. She was so happy to be reunited with them. It was as if she was seeing old friends after a long absence. She pulled each friend out one by one and exclaimed its name exuberantly.

"Duck!"

"Bear!"

"Pig!"

Then she came to the last animal in the box. This one was of particular interest to me. How could i have forgotten this cute little guy?

This precious creature was the first (and possibly only) sewing craft i made for the BabyGirl. It is the product of Craft Day with my dear friend Laura. You can read about it here to refresh your memory.

As the BabyGirl pulled my handiwork out of the box, i was opening my mouth for an enthusiastic, "Awwww!" Unfortunately, i was unable to express my delight because the BabyGirl interjected first by shouting the animal's name:

"Monster!"

Excuse me? "Monster?" My lovingly crafted penguin is now being called monster? Yes, it's true. Several days later she still calls it Monster.

It doesn't lessen her affection for it, however. This group of stuffed animals she plays with separately from the other bazillion animals she owns. Once when tidying up, i put Duck, Bear, Pig, and Monster in the armchair where all of the other animals live. The next time she was in that room, the BabyGirl took Duck, Bear, Pig, and Monster out of that chair and moved them to a separate location. The other morning she lined them all up and fed them a pretend breakfast with her tea set.

If the penguin has to be relegated to "monster" status, I guess it's some consolation that it still gets invited to the tea party!
 

About the Fabric Store

The fabric store is a very mystifying place.

My mother is a master sewer, so i have many memories of going to the fabric store when i was little.  It always seemed like a secret club.  There was obscure terminology.  There were unwritten codes of behavior.  I'm pretty sure there was a secret handshake.

I accompanied my mother to the fabric store as a little girl, wide-eyed and curious.  All those pretty fabric designs.  Buttons and ribbons and lace.  Then there was a 14 year gap.  I got old enough that i didn't have to go absolutely everywhere she went; i could stay home.  So more than a decade went by until i had reason to return to the fabric store.

Then, a few months ago, i went.  And would you believe, the place hadn't changed.  It wasn't the same store i went to growing up, but it definitely could have been.  It was so bizarre.  The rest of the world has progressed in the past 14 years, but the fabric store was still exactly the same.  They still had those paper tickets, the lady at the cutting station was still 100 years old with a Little House on the Prairie hairstyle.  It was like walking back in time.

And i'm still wide-eyed and mystified.  It's still a secret club and i definitely don't belong.  I don't know the handshake.  The part that makes me the most nervous is when the lady who is cutting your fabric says, "So what are you making?"

That's when my heart stops for a minute.

I'm usually not making anything at all (i just loved the fabric), or i'm making something embarrassing, or i'm making something that i don't know what i'm doing and i'm afraid she'll ask more questions.

Well yesterday all that changed.  I marched into that store with confidence.  I knew exactly what i was making.  I even half-way know how to do it.  I was on a mission.  I went directly to the fabric i needed, selected the right color, and approached the cutting station.

There is always a long line at the cutting station.  There are three physical "stations".  Three counters with yardsticks and scissors.  But there is only ever one lady cutting.  No matter what.  It's one of the unwritten codes of sewing.

The man who was currently being helped must have been upholstering a chair or something.  He had long sheets of foam, a bunch of fluffy stuffing, and lots of leather-ish type fabric.  The cutting lady was making the usual small talk.  I wasn't really paying attention, until all of a sudden i heard her ask him, "Do you wear boxers?" 

Long awkward pause.

Oh man the look on his face was so funny. 

I said jokingly, "Wow, these questions are getting very personal!" 

Turns out she was trying to coax him into buying this fancy new spray-starch-wrinkle-releaser type stuff.  The employees must have a quota because she really wouldn't give it up about the wrinkle releaser.  Apparently her main tactic is to tell men how great it is for boxers.  You just spray it right on there and it makes them look neat and tidy!  I wasn't really following her reasoning.  I don't have much experience with boxers, but it seems to me that it's okay for them to be wrinkled.  Which is very freeing, because it's one less thing to worry about in life.  I mean imagine, if you had to add an extra 2 minutes to your morning routine to spray and smooth out your boxers?

Anyway, it was finally my turn.  "I need three yards of both of these, please."

She began cutting and i waited patiently for the inevitable.

"What are you making?"

Oh yeah, i can do this!  I was so excited to have an answer for her.  "I'm making new and improved sheets for my baby's crib because she keeps taking the sheets off and throwing them on the floor."  I even glanced back at the person in line behind me to make sure they heard.

The cutting lady thought about this for a minute.  She asked, "Do you burp your baby?"

Aw man, she stumped me!  I thought i was prepared, and here she goes and asks a question i didn't expect.  I replied (with the tone of voice you would use to say "DUH"), "yes."

She asked, "Have you thought about reducing the number of ounces at each feeding?"

Now i'm getting irritated.  Whatever my shortcomings as a seamstress, i feel pretty confident about my baby-raising abilities.  I don't mind feeling like an idiot in the sewing world, but do you have to second-guess my mothering skills as well?  You don't even know me!  And, might i mention, what on earth does this have to do with crib sheets?

I responded (rather tactfully i must say), "It's not a feeding issue.  She's very inquisitive."

She had to take a minute to regroup.  "How old is your baby?"

I said, "10 months."

She said, "Well, you know, childhood obesity is a big problem in this country so you really don't want to be overfeeding your baby, especially if she is vomiting so much."

At this point there were approximately 75 very intense things i wanted to say to her.  But she was clearly crazy, so it didn't seem worth it.  I think what i did say was something along the lines of, "SHE ISN'T VOMITING, SHE IS TAKING THE SHEETS OFF HER BED so i'm making new sheets like a pillow case style instead of a fitted sheet."

The lady didn't miss a beat.  "This is a nice lightweight fabric, so you would definitely benefit from our fancy-spray-starch-wrinkle-remover-stuff."

Um, no thanks.  Much like underwear, i sorta don't care if my crib sheets are a little wrinkled.

And thus my inquisition was finally over.  That was way more scary than all the times before, when i didn't know what i was making.  It convinced me that from now on, I'm going to lie about my project.  Or say nothing at all.  Or if i'm feeling particularly feisty, I'll make up something completely preposterous.  The poor fabric lady won't see it coming.

"What are you making?"

"Banana bread."

 

Operative Report: Exploratory Craniotomy with Rattlectomy

History of Present Illness:  The patient is a healthy young female known as "blanket head."  During an episode of extreme separation anxiety exhibited by the BabyGirl, it was determined that a comfort item was needed to assist in the distress that ensued when the BabyGirl was left alone in her crib for naptime.  An analysis was conducted of the BabyGirl's possessions, and Blanket Head was selected.  Unfortunately, Blanket Head contained a rattling device inside her skull which proved incompatible with naptime.  After a complete physical exam, Blanket Head was scheduled for an exploratory craniotomy.  Medical clearance was obtained from Blanket Head's primary care physician.  Blanket Head has no known drug allergies, takes no medications, and has no prior surgical history.  No imaging studies were obtained prior to the procedure.

Procedure:  The patient was prepped and draped in sterile fashion.  No anesthesia was administered.  A transverse suboccipital incision was made using a seam ripper.  Exploration of the head cavity revealed the rattle, which was excised.  The wound was subsequently closed with a sewing needle and pink thread.

Blood loss:  None
IV fluids:  None

Disposition:  stable to recovery.  The patient was observed overnight and discharged home to the BabyGirl in the morning.

Two Cute Things

Yesterday was a very ugly day at work.  At some point during the exhausting misery, i was ready to sign up for the Mexican thugs.  Anything sounded better than what i was doing.  I was so angry that it sounded satisfying to show those Mexican drug dealers a thing or two about violence.

Instead, I came home to two very cute things.  I'll show them to you.  I made both of these things myself. 

Here is thing #1.  So cute!  Thing #1 took 10 months to make, and gave me lots of heartburn.

Here is thing #2.  Thing #2 was a lot easier to make than Thing #1.  It is the product of Craft Day with Laura and David.  I'm really very proud of it.  Can you believe i made ANOTHER thing after i only just made the Cinnamon Ornaments???  That's two crafts in one month!  I think i just beat my record for all of 2009.  I really couldn't have done it without Laura's patient tutoring.  She let me use her sewing machine, even though i had no idea how to do it.  I made a mistake every 45 seconds or so, and as a result we stayed at their house much longer than we should have.  I was stubbornly determined to finish this project in one day.  I've known myself for a long time, and one thing is certain: if i lay a project aside, i will never come back to it.

Recently I've been outsourcing all my crafting needs to my sister.  If i need something made, i tell her to make it.  I'm the oldest so she has to do what i say.  But making this craft was kind of a turning point for me.  I think i could really get the hang of this sewing thing.  And, if you are especially nice to me, i might just make something for you!

  

I made something!

I'm so proud of myself:  I made something!!  Ha ha ha!!!  I can't believe it!

You see, i really like crafts.  But i have the attention span of a 5 year old.  If a project takes longer than one of the BabyGirl's naps, then i loose interest.  (and she's a very short napper.)  I possess the kind of personality that is all about the big picture, the overarching theme, the burst of inspiration.  I have no capacity for detail or follow-thru. 

Also, I just don't have time for crafts.  Number one, December is the single busiest month of the year at work and i consistently work 14 hour shifts, getting home at 11pm.  Number two, I feel like my every moment is consumed with The Meal Cycle.  It's like The Nitrogen Cycle but with your daily meals.  You go grocery shopping, you wash\chop\prep, you cook the meal, you eat the meal, you wash all the dishes you used, and you start over at the beginning.  Somewhere in between you also try to do some laundry so you have clean underwear.  No time for crafts.

There's an unspoken rule in the Mom Club.  You must follow the rule or you get excommunicated.  The rule is that you have to make awesome, creative home projects and then blog about it.  Lots of pictures of the step-by-step process as well as the final product.  There are approximately eleventy million blogs about "look what i made".  Incidentally, these crafty moms are very skilled at The Meal Cycle. 

My mom and both my sisters are kick-butt at creative projects.  We're talking real pros here.  I knew i had the genetic oomph to make this happen, so i selected a craft that met my specifications.  Minimal supplies, minimal time.  And it worked!  I did it!!  I made Cinnamon Ornaments.  I had to laugh at myself, because i didn't prepare for it at all.  Wouldn't you know, i didn't have enough cinnamon.  The instructions specifically said how much cinnamon you would need, and i thought, "surely that is the quantity of your basic little spice jar of cinnamon."  No, my friends, it is the quantity of 4 little jars of cinnamon.  Nonetheless, i plowed through.  Do we postpone or reschedule our craft simply because we don't have the necessary materials?  No way.  The mood had struck me in that particular moment, and that was the moment for crafting. 

And here it is.  My ability to photograph my accomplishments for public display clearly needs some work.  Remember, the skills of a 5 year old.

Ultimately I will tie some snazzy Christmas ribbon on them to hang them up.

My hopes and dreams would be to make Emily's wine cork board, but it's going to take me a long time to save up that many corks.