#2 Makes Her Debut

We had our 20 week ultrasound today, and (as you've all heard by now) we're having another girl!

Allow me to introduce you:

(If you blinked during that video,

then you missed the whole thing and will have to wach it again)

I guess this means that The Professor will have to retire his baseball glove and start breaking in a softball glove! We're very happy to be having another little sweetheart.

Here's another picture, just for the heck of it:

It's very clearly labelled, so that you don't get confused as to what you are looking at. I think this is because during the ultrasound, the BabyGirl kept calling it a lion. The ultrasound tech wanted to inform you that it is in fact a baby, not a lion.

  





We're Watching TV!

We've been without tv for several years. My parents, who watch a lot of television, are always saying, "Did you see that commercial where . . . ?" Most things in life remind them of a commercial. It's one of the funny quirks about them that i love. The thing that makes it so funny is that they have continued asking this for years, when we have no possible way of seeing any commercials, because we don't have tv.

We purposely cancelled our cable forever ago but we could still get about three main network channels plus four Spanish channels and a couple of home shopping channels. We could still watch big events like the World Series, the presidential inauguration, etc. In fact, i have very fond memories of being in labor while watching the Braves' home opener. It was Bobby's last season, as well as Jason Heyward's rookie debut.

Eventually the television broadcast made the switch to all-digital, and then we no longer got any channels. We still had the physical tv set, which we used to watch DVDs and play Wii, but we couldn't watch any actual tv on it.

At one point The Professor went to buy a converter box, but the store was sold out. The dude in the blue polo shirt said that they always sell out the same day that they receive a shipment. The shipments arrived randomly, and they never knew which day the converters were coming. If you weren't in the store within the first few hours of a day the converters arrived, then you were out of luck.

Well we certainly weren't committed to tv enough to warrant stalking Best Buy just to buy a digital converter, so we forgot all about it. We happily lived our lives for a long time without tv. Occasionally there are big events that we are interested in seeing, so we just invite ourselves over to other people's houses.

But here's where the story changes: our good friend Audrey gave us a converter box! It was so generous of her. We're so greatful and excited!

It took us a few days to get around to hooking it up once we got it, and wouldn't you know but the same day we plugged it up was a Big Event TV Day! We watched the Oscars! During the show they kept talking about the fact that billions of people around the world were watching, and they were talking about us! We're included in those billions. Small villages in Central America, all the proud people in France, and us in our basement.

And, the commercials were great! I didn't watch the Superbowl this year, but according to the world of facebook, the commercials were just so-so. Well i'll tell ya: the Oscar commercials this year were impressive. Or maybe they've been showing these same commercials for the past 4 months and i just didn't know about it.

I remember that in years past, the morning after Oscar night, numerous co-workers would show up to work looking haggard, and would spend all day complaining about how tired they were because they stayed up way too late watching the Oscars. In one particular job we started work at 5:30am, so watching tv until 11pm was in fact VERY late. This year, the BabyGirl also got to share in the experience of staying up way too late to watch the Oscars.

Truth be told, she wasn't "watching" the Oscars at all. She was having the time of her life running around in the basement and getting into all kinds of mischief because she knew i was paying her no attention whatsoever. Her bedtime was smack in the middle of Billy Crystal's opening ceremonies, and i couldn't tear myself away. Therefore, she got to stay up past her bedtime. I could just imagine her the next morning feeling tired and sluggish like all my old co-workers, and complaining to her friend David (whom she calls "Daybid") that, "I stayed up WAY too late watching the Oscars."

This small development in our lives has brought us much enjoyment. It is a fun diversion that we would otherwise not have but for the kindness of a friend. It's a break from routine, as well as a *free* source of entertainment. So thank you once again, Audrey!
 

Mission Accomplished

It was late July of 2011, and we were a few days away from loading up the U-Haul to leave the Big City.  Since we were a few days away from moving, and since we wanted to eat at our favorite restaurants one last time, I had ordered takeout from an amazing Latino restaurant in our neighborhood.

I walked to the restaurant in the evening twilight.  It was the most perfect time of day.  The whole world was bathed in a pink glow of sunset, and the temperature had dropped slightly.  People were headed home from work, and life was quieting down.  It was a very peaceful and reflective walk.

The streets were very familiar to me; i had spent the past six years in this neighborhood.  But when you are about to leave a place, you frequently notice things you passed over before.  I noticed each building, each smell, each sound.  I wanted to soak everything in and store it up in my mind for good.

It was a very nostalgic walk.  I truly love that neighborhood.  Nonetheless, it was bittersweet.  I was moving away because i wanted to.  Actually, i was desparate to move.  I had cried and begged and pleaded with God to be able to leave.  He graciously and providentially answered my prayer.  But in that moment, when everything was pleasant and peaceful, i thought, "Now why exactly do i want to leave this?"

I looked around at all the hundreds of apartment buildings filled with people, and thought, "All these people live here and do fine.  What's wrong with me that i can't?"

The other pedestrians with me on the sidewalk, they rode the bus home and stopped at the market for dinner and will walk up multiple flights of stairs to their apartment.  How come they do it just fine but it makes me so incredibly cosmic?  The problem wasn't with the Big City; it was with me.  If i was a stronger person, i could manage all the logistical difficulties of urban life.  If i was strong enough, i could stay here in this place i love.

But I'm not strong enough, so i'm leaving.  I felt embarrassed.  I was leaving with my tail between my legs, white flag raised in surrender.

Then, on our last Sunday at church, all our dear friends prayed over us.  After the service, our pastor and good friend Keith said that during the prayer, he kept hearing the words "Mission Accomplished." He was very encouraging, and said that as the Lord was closing one chapter of our lives and opening another, we could take pride in the fact that we had accomplished the work that had been given to us.

Well that was the complete opposite from what i had been feeling.  I thought i failed the mission; now you're saying i'm victorious?

I told him my thoughts about leaving in defeat, and he said matter-of-factly, "That's a lie."

In the months that followed, the lie of defeat once again became easy to believe.  If we'd just stayed in the Big City for another 15 years until the economy improves, then we wouldn't be having all these issues with our condo.

Now we are back to present-day February 2012.  The Professor, BabyGirl, and i made a pilgrimage back to the Big City to visit.  It was a wonderful trip.  We got to see all our old friends.  I saw Clare Adella perform at Pressure, i celebrated at Emily's baby shower, and we went to our old church.

Going back to church again was such a moving experience.  People that i'd only casually known were SO HAPPY to see us.  It didn't make any sense.  It was touching, but it didn't make sense.  The people that i had known very deeply were exponentially more happy to see us.  It wasn't until i stood in that church service that i truly believed that our mission was accomplished.  It finally sank into my heart.  I was so joyful to be there worshipping with dear brothers and sisters that i love with all my heart. 

Being back again and seeing how warmly we were received finally proved to me that we had given our all to that church.  We had engaged it 100%.  We had held nothing back.  I was at peace with the fact that our work was done.  We had served that church for several years.  Now we have passed on the torch, and the church is still flourishing. 

We have so many beautiful relationships as a result of our time there.  For example: when you stay at someone's house for 3 nights, and every single night your BabyGirl wakes up screaming at 3am, and screams so loud that you can hear it a block away, but at the end your hosts hug you tightly and thank you for coming; that's how you know what a true friend is.

Or the fact that another friend gave us her digital converter box.  And another friend had multiple friends and family in town but took time out of her busy schedule to meet me for coffee.

As a result of my time in the city, i will always have a heart for urban ministry.  It is HARD.  Hard in a way that outsiders just can't understand.  I will always have a heart for refugees.  I will always have a heart for prostitutes and people in slavery.  I will always have a heart for school violence.  I will always love Polish people, and Indian will always be my favorite ethnic food.

Who knows if our urban life chapter is truly closed, or if we'll find ourselves back there someday.  All i know is that i spent the formative years of my adulthood in the Big City, and it has made me who i am.  It was a mission that i am forever greatful to have been given.  "To God be the glory, great things He hath done!"
 

This World Has Nothing For Me . . .

. . . and this world has everything.

All that i could want, and nothing that i need.

It was a Sunday night, and we were getting ready to go to a new small group for the first time.  We've been attending a particular church for a few months, and had been anxious to check out a small group.  The leaders of this group had invited us repeatedly, but it took a couple of weeks before we were available.  Finally, this week it had worked out.

The Professor said, "I'm just going to get something from downstairs real fast."  Except it wasn't real fast.  Once down there, he saw that the water heater was leaking.  The water had seeped through the wall into the next room.  The carpet in a certain area was wet.  That area was where we had stacked up lots of books.  You see, The Professor really likes books.  He has a lot of them.  Our condo back in the Big City had these awesome built-in bookshelves (which is one of the reasons we bought the place).  (The other reason was the secret kitty passageway.)  When we moved to the Kingdom of the Cornstalks, the built-in bookshelves stayed, but the books came with us.  We didn't\don't have money to buy new bookshelves, so all the books got stacked up downstairs.  In the section with all the water.

So we abandoned our plans for small group and instead began frantically moving all the books so they wouldn't keep getting more and more wet.  Our poor landlord had to come over on a Sunday night and pull up the carpet.  While we were salvaging soggy books, The Professor said, "Well, i guess we just keep learning to hold loosely to the things of this world."

I myself had the opportunity to learn that lesson the week before.

You've all heard by now the joyous news that we are expecting another baby!  Well, the first trimester was extremely rough.  Due to the dizziness, motion sickness, nausea, fatigue, and generalized ickiness of those 12 weeks, not a whole lot of housework got done around here.  Finally one day i felt halfway human again, and was motivated to whip this place into shape.  As is the case with all things cosmic, it was a very all-or-nothing scenario.  After several weeks of "nothing", i had swung to the opposite extreme of full-capacity, 100%, go-big-or-go-home "all."

I threw some laundry in the wash and got started on my true love of vacuuming.  Some of you have regrettably noticed that i have very lax standards when it comes to the stovetop, but i do place high emphasis on a clean floor.  It was the main thing that had been bothering me during my "lay on the couch and moan" first trimester.  I started in the kitchen, but had only vacuumed about 1\3 of the kitchen when the vacuum died.  Just up and died.  I did a limited amount of troubleshooting, to the best of my mechanical ability, but no success.  Very disheartening.

"It's okay," I said.  "I'll just go rotate the laundry."  That would give the vacuum time to reconsider, and maybe after a rest it would be ready to work. 

My trip downstairs to the washing machine revealed that it also had problems.  The machine had filled up with water and then shut off.  I couldn't get it to start again.  Now i had a whole load of clothes swimming in a tank full of cold, soapy water.

In that moment, of going 0-for-2 in the Good Housekeeping department, i was overwhelmed.  I thought i could redeem myself after 12 weeks' worth of wifely guilt through some hard work, but my efforts were thwarted.

I had learned to let go of our need for curtains.  I had let go of my need for a kitchen table.  I had let go of my desire for a sewing desk so i could make awesome thrifty clothes for our family.

But how to you hold loosely to a vacuum cleaner?

I must confess i did cry over it.  I want to serve my family well, and i want to take good care of The Professor by cleaning his clothes and keeping an orderly house.  Things out of my control were preventing me from doing that.  It was more than just holding loosely to a vacuum cleaner; it required me to hold loosely to my self-worth.

In this time of scarcity, we're definitely being challenged to put into practice some Bible passages that we've never needed before.  Things like:

- Do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

- The Lord will provide

- My grace is sufficient for you

- Be anxious for nothing

One thing i've really been thinking about is in Matthew 6, Jesus says: "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them."  For basically the first time in my life, i have NOTHING stored away in the barn.  When the vacuum cleaner dies, i have NOTHING with which to buy a new one.  I can only and solely depend on my Father's provision for that day, and that day alone.  We are living on manna around here! We have just enough for today, but not enough for tomorrow.

And yet, He is providing.  For starters, we have an offer on our condo!  After 6 months on the market with minimal activity, the Lord provided an offer.  And then, we got another one!  Two offers!  It's in the bank's hands now, so we will watch and pray.  We will wait on the Lord.  We will be anxious for nothing.

Well, we will be anxious for nothing . . . for about 5 minutes.  And then I'm sure to catch myself being anxious again and have to pray and start over.

This world has nothing.
 

First Snow and Cooking

Winter this year got off to a slow start.  It was starting to creep me out.  I like my winters to start on time and end on time.  When they start late, they tend to end late, which is very demoralizing.  We were all having a good time enjoying the nice weather, but secretly i was praying for some good old fashioned snow and bitter cold, so we could get this show on the road.

Finally my wish came true!  This past week we had a very blustery snow storm.  It snowed for about 48 hours straight, complete with fierce winds that made the snow come down sideways.  The action really got going on Thursday morning, which is when i go to a mom's Bible study.  This Bible study is truly the highlight of my week, and i didn't want to miss it.  I was all bundled up; i had my game face on; i was ready to do this thing.  I went outside to start the car, and found that the wind had taken all the snow from the driveway and piled it up in front of my door:

It was very convenient, from a clearing-off-the-driveway standpoint, but not so much from an opening-the-door standpoint.  Fortunately, it only took a few shoves, and i was out.  At that point i discovered that my garage door wouldn't open.  I don't know if it was frozen, or if snow had blown underneath it and was blocking the inside, but that sucker was not going to budge.  Bible study was a no-go.

There i was with an unscheduled free morning.  Everyone was awake, clothed, and fed; what should we do with ourselves?  I informed the BabyGirl that we would not be going to play with friends as originally planned.  Instead we would do some cooking.

"Koo-king?!?"

"Oh yes, HoneyLamb, cooking!"

The BabyGirl LOVES koo-king.  I had a muffin recipe that i'd been dying to try, but the opportunity hadn't yet presented itself.  I'm a dismal failure when it comes to baking, so it's not very often that the mood strikes.

The BabyGirl was totally on board.  We grabbed our aprons and got to it.  Our objective was to make the Weaving Influence Muffins.  It's a beautiful recipe because it doesn't have any wacky ingredients and it's extremely kid-friendly.  It's the family recipe of a friend, and it's meant to be passed down to little girls who love cooking.  It worked perfectly for us!  We had a wonderful time together, and while the BabyGirl will never remember this particular koo-king session, i get teary-eyed thinking about what a special and memorable mother-daughter time it was. 

We did exactly as Becky suggested, and divided the batter in half.  One-half was chocolate chips, and the other half was everything but the kitchen sink.  It included blueberries, dried cherries, almonds, and oats.

Here are some pictures from our adventures:

 This adorable apron was a Christmas present from Aunt Kristin

 The blueberry batch

Taking the blueberries out of the batter and eating them 

Two proud cooks

 

The Greatest of These

The following is an entry written by The Professor.  It's a great deal more meaty than the usual babble we have around here.  So, put on your thinking caps, and i hope you enjoy!

It’s been a while since I have written much poetry. There was a time when I wrote a fair bit; I even took a course on contemporary American poetry in college. I still write some, but only on the (rare) occasions when 1) I am in a particular type of reflective mood, and 2) I have a good chunk of free time.

These two conditions were met one evening this past May. At that time, I did not have a full-time job, and it seemed like I would not have one for at least another year, if not more. There were many things about our situation then that made life extremely difficult. Reflecting on the long-gone past, the all-consuming present, and the ever-elusive future, I wrote the following:

Joys of the past passed too quickly

Pain perseveres in perpetual perdition

All that has failed is ever with me

All that is unfulfilled is ever before me

The future is not what it once was

Can it be restored? rescued? ransomed? redeemed?

---------------------- Deep longing.

Can slender faith salvage hope?

And what of the greatest of these?

I still remember some of the exact feelings and thoughts I had as I wrote some of these phrases and lines. Much of what I felt was quite hopeful, despite the general bleakness of the words. Many of the lessons I have learned in the last few years could perhaps be explained in reference to C.S. Lewis’ ideas concerning the relationship between joy and longing. That discussion, however, belongs to a different post that will probably never be written.

A few days ago I came across the sheet of paper on which I wrote this poem, and I saw that I also jotted down this line:

Today is torture when tomorrow is taken away.

It was this core idea that stood behind all of my reflections and writing that night. It would be hard to overestimate the extent to which our present situation is impacted and shaped by the past. Still, I believe that this impact is eclipsed by the influence of our view of the future.

Before I married my beautiful, talented, and loving bride, my father-in-law gave me some wise and practical advice. One of his suggestions was that relationships thrive when there is something to look forward to. It made sense at the time. Now I know the truth of it. I have had times where there were a great number of wonderful things to look forward to. And now I have also lived through a season where I saw nothing positive on the horizon; our hopes and dreams seemed to have been indefinitely postponed, if not cancelled altogether, leaving us in a situation that was simply unsustainable. And in that time – where hope has fled, where tomorrow holds no promise, where there are constant thoughts about how differently things “should” have gone – there is very little love.

Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

I have enough knowledge to maintain my Christian faith. Faith, or trust, should be based on strong evidence, even though that evidence does not amount to a deductive proof. Hope, however, is a different kind of thing. The two are related, to be sure, but they are not the same. I believe genuine and deep hope must be built upon faith, and yet true hope requires more than trusting that certain facts and promises are true.

Love, the greatest of all that remains in the end of all things, is likewise related to faith and hope and yet goes beyond them. Of course there can be some forms of love present without faith and hope (see Lewis’ The Four Loves or Kierkegaard’s Works of Love), just as there can be various hopes without faith – but they will not hold. Such love without hope and without faith will provide only the poorest imitation of true love. It will prove too flimsy, too shallow, too weak to support the weight of one’s existence in the long run.

As I look through the Bible to see what it says about hope, I feel shame for many of my feelings and doubts from the previous season in my life (although I also look to Israelites in Exodus, the Psalms, and the disciples in the Gospels and know that I am not alone in this). I am grateful for divine patience, and for opportunity to have hope reestablished. I feel as if tomorrow has been restored to me; it has been rescued, ransomed, and redeemed. There are things to look forward to; and that kind of hope is required for relationships to flourish.

So, God has provided me a few positive changes in my situation that has restored my hope in regard to the next year and the next five years. That grace has allowed me to remember the hope – the true and ultimate hope – that was never taken away from me. And now that hope has been added alongside faith, love has once more been able to inform my thoughts and my existence. Faith is a great anchor and stabilizing presence. Hope is joyous and life-giving. But let me tell you, love is the greatest of these.

  

We Gon' Rock This House

I'm officially hosting Thanksgiving!!!

This is very exciting for me, and a lot of pressure.  There are so many amazing culinary matriarchs in my family who generally refuse to relinquish the Thanksgiving reins, and that's why i had to reach the responsible age of 30 before they let me give it a go.

Actually, they let my sister Kay be in charge two years ago, and she was much younger than 30.  So i'm not sure what that says about my skillz.

The truth of the matter is that i'm always the one coming from out of town.  It's not very time efficient for the person who arrives at Granny's house at 12 noon on Thanksgiving Day after being in a car for 48 hours to also have the task of cooking the meal.  But finally, at long last, and THANK YOU JESUS, we're having Thanksgiving at my house.  Because i finally have a house!  Only a small portion of the clan is coming, so it's the perfect size group for my maiden voyage.  However, we will definitely miss the ones who will be celebrating elsewhere.

In typical cosmic fashion, i have built this thing up in my mind so much that it has become a major event.  Even President Obama himself does not get wined-and-dined as well as i plan to wine-and-dine my guests.  My dad tried to supply me with some menu suggestions, and i told him, "Ooooohhh no, buddy.  Back off the menu.  This is MY game."

I love menu planning.  I basically haven't slept since i found out that they're coming.  I lie in bed at 3am thinking about brining, basting, roasting, trimming.  Should we have sweet potato casserole with pecans, or marshmallows?  Should we have roasted potatoes, or mashed potatoes?  I can't wait!

But it always seems to come down to the grim reality that i am not a multi-tasker.  Cannot do it.  I'm a procrastinator as well.  And a perfectionist.  So it's nigh unto impossible for a procrastinating, non-multi-tasking perfectionist to ever bring her dreams into existence.

I'm determined to do it, though.  I'm going to print out an 8x10 headshot of Emily Chastain and hang it up in my kitchen for inspiration.  And next to that, i'll put an 8x10 of Martha Stewart.  Those 2 women are symbols of efficiency, productivity, and greatness.  Together, we gon' rock this house!

I've come up with a preliminary list of activities i'd like to do while they are here.  It includes:

-Lord of the Rings marathon
-Settlers of Catan championship
-Wii sports tournament
-Yahtzee competition
-Touch football in the park across the street
-Looking at the cute shops downtown
-Going to see the Muppet movie
-Various craft projects with my Mother
-Shopping at several children's consignments
-Long talks with my dad about literature

We can do all that in 3 days, right?  And also cook\eat a massive Thanksgiving feast?

Oh yeah, this Thanksgiving is going to be great!