I had not been working in the ICU very long, so it was very generous of the other nurses to let me be assigned to the fresh trauma patient. We all fight over fresh traumas, and this was a good one. It was unusual in that the guy had a very extensive and serious injury, but was still conscious. Most of the bad-off trauma cases are so bad off that they are either in a coma, or are sedated because they require a ventilator.
Honestly, I don't remember the patient's name, so we'll call him Ryan. He was my age. Ryan was my only patient that night because he required such close monitoring, so we spent a lot of time together. He had made a lot of bad choices in life, and there is nothing like sitting in an ICU bed on the brink of death to make you reevaluate things.
He was understandably very shaken up by the experience of falling from a 4 story building and being impaled on a fence post (see, i told you it was a good trauma). He spent a lot of time talking about his life, his relationship with his father, various mistakes he'd made, and what he'd like to do differently if he survived this injury. Mostly he was just processing out loud, and i served as a listening ear while i did my work.
Ryan was a hairy dude. The kind of guy who starts to show a 5 o'clock shadow around lunchtime. He had facial hair that started under his eyes and went all the way down his neck. He was still wearing a C-collar because he had upper extremity parasthesia and was awaiting an MRI to evaluate his spine. He hadn't been able to shave in 3 days, because he was too busy having his life saved. His neck was very itchy under the collar and it was really bothering him. He asked me to give him a shave (he couldn't use his arms to do it himself), to which i said, "Hell no I'm not taking that collar off, because i don't want to be the girl who makes you a quadriplegic."
He kept pestering me about it, and i kept saying no because it was too risky. An itchy neck versus lifelong spinal cord injury is kind of a no-brainer from a risk-benefit analysis.
Eventually he wore me down, and i consented. We had a deal that he was absolutely not allowed to move a single muscle while that collar was off, and he would not blame me if he sustained any paralysis as a result of this shave. I assembled my supplies and we began. It was a very suspenseful shave. I pretty much had no idea what i was doing (since i don't shave my face very often), and my hospital-issue razor was very dull. I was terrified that he would sneeze and sever his spinal cord. When i finished shaving him and refastened his c-collar, i told him, "Well it's definitely not the best shave you've ever had, but i hope it fixes the itching."
He replied, "It is the best shave i've ever had. You know why? Because you did it for me without any thought of what i would do for you in return."
-----------------------------------
Fast-forward several years: I'm a Stay At Home Mom now. I haven't been a SAHM very long, so i haven't had the time to reorient my identity around being a full-time mom. A month ago, i was a professional. My identity was largely defined by doing a super-intense job. Saving lives. I believed that my work was noble, and worthy of respect. So it's confusing to leave such an exceedingly all-consuming field, and instead spend the whole day on the floor with mini-me.
I was REALLY good at what i did. I experienced some very exciting and adrenaline-filled situations. I did work that mattered. I think, in contrast, about other women my age who have a job, but it's not necessarily a career. It's not something that defines them, or something they are inspired by. When they quit their empty, boring job in order to stay home with their darling babies, do they look back? Do they wonder if they are doing the right thing, or are they 100% gung-ho about staying home?
This past year, i ACHED to be able to stay home. I wanted it more than anything. I cried many a brokenhearted tear over it. I am thoroughly grateful for my change in circumstances, i truly am. I love that BabyGirl with my whole heart, and it's a delight to see her smile everyday.
But here's the thing. I believe that i became a nurse because God called me to do so. He gave me the talents and skills. He provided for my education, through my parents' generosity. He gave me the strength to keep going when i was vomited on, pooped on, yelled at, bitten, kicked, sexually harassed, etc. He predestined me to be a nurse, He called me to be a nurse, He empowered me to be a nurse.
And now it's over.
That's what i'm confused about. Is He okay that i'm not using those talents anymore? I mean, He really invested in me, and now i'm done.
I think today i received my answer. I had just laid the BabyGirl down for her nap, and was walking back to the living room to pick up Every Single Toy We Own from the floor. Out of nowhere, i heard those words from Ryan, "You're doing it without any thought of what she will do for you in return."
The tasks may be different, but the purpose is the same. I'm still taking care of a person who can't give me anything back. I'm not using IV's or ventilators or cardiac monitors to do it, but i hope that God will equip me for this career just like He equipped me for that one.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Hot Dog Hair Gel
Are these hot summer days causing you a lot of frizzy fly-aways? Do you long for voluptuous curls, but can't afford fancy salon hair products? Then look no further, because the BabyGirl has a solution for you:
Hot Dog Hair Gel!
Here's how it works:
1. Microwave a hot dog and cut it into non-choking size pieces.
2. Eat it with your hands.
3. Periodically while eating, run your fingers through your hair.
4. When you are "all done!", rub your palms on your high chair tray to pick up any lingering grease.
5. Run your fingers through your hair again.
Guaranteed to produce an all-day curl or your money back! After only three days of this hair treatment, the BabyGirl's hair is absolutely frizz-free. The Hot Dog Hair Gel is infinitely superior to Herbal Essences "Totally Twisted" Curl Scrunching Gel, which the BabyGirl's mama has been using for years.
Hot Dog Hair Gel is sold at all major grocery vendors, so don't delay! Get yours today!
Hot Dog Hair Gel!
Here's how it works:
1. Microwave a hot dog and cut it into non-choking size pieces.
2. Eat it with your hands.
3. Periodically while eating, run your fingers through your hair.
4. When you are "all done!", rub your palms on your high chair tray to pick up any lingering grease.
5. Run your fingers through your hair again.
Guaranteed to produce an all-day curl or your money back! After only three days of this hair treatment, the BabyGirl's hair is absolutely frizz-free. The Hot Dog Hair Gel is infinitely superior to Herbal Essences "Totally Twisted" Curl Scrunching Gel, which the BabyGirl's mama has been using for years.
Hot Dog Hair Gel is sold at all major grocery vendors, so don't delay! Get yours today!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Our New Life
We have arrived in our new life!
We packed everything up and left the Big City behind, and are so thankful to be here. A week later, our house is still in complete disarray, but we're thankful nonetheless. You might have expected this to be the post when i unveil pictures of our new house, but unfortunately you're going to have to keep waiting for that.
The moving experience was long and hard, but fortunately we had no major events. U-Haul, being who they are, almost didn't give us a truck, but in the end they came to their senses. Apparently we're rough on movers. We had hired a team of 4 guys to move us out of our old place and into the truck, but one guy must have heard about our heavy armoire and the 3 flights of stairs, because he decided not to show up. When we got here, we hired 2 guys to move everything from the truck into our new place, and about an hour into it, one of the guys injured his ankle. That meant it was just one guy plus Mark moving all our stuff (and we have an unneccessary amount of stuff).
My sister flew up from Atlanta to help me transport the BabyGirl and our two cats. I never would have survived without her. I am just in total awe of how loving, how giving, and how hard-working she was. It is so incredibly humbling to be given a gift that you can never repay. I'll never forget her kindness.
We also had some huge help on Moving Day from Blake and Emily. Emily worked like a dog to clean my kitchen, and she was so dang speedy! She really set an example that i've been trying to live up to. Multiple times over the past week as i've been doing task after task, i tell myself, "Be fast like Emily!"
One thing that is so very sad is that we missed David's birthday. He is the BabyGirl's bff (whether she realizes it or not), and we have treasured our "stare dates" over the past year, and i very much wanted to be able to celebrate him being #1.
Once we arrived here, we began our search for a new church home. We looked on the internet and selected a candidate. As we were getting ready on Sunday morning, The Professor joked that it was like going on a first date. You feel excited and hopeful, but recognize there's a slim chance that it will work out, and most likely you'll have to go on numerous first dates before you find something that sticks. The church we picked for our first round was called "New Life Community Church." It's so meaningful on a number of levels. There is the obvious biblical meaning, that we have new life in Jesus. But it's significant for The Professor and I because we are here starting a new life. On the church's website it said, "A place for new beginnings", which fits our situation perfectly!
When the service began and everyone stood up for the singing, i saw that a couple of people in front of us were wearing the church's t-shirt, which had the verse Revelation 21:5 on the back:
And He who sits on the throne said,
"Behold, I am making all things new."
I very nearly started sobbing right then and there. It felt like a message directly from God to my heart. All the trials, and suffering, and difficulties, and frustration of the past 1.5 years are over! The demands of my job, the violating bus ride, the heavy loads up 3 flights of stairs, the night noises on the street that keep you from sleeping - it's all behind me. He is making all things new. Yes, life is hard no matter where you are, but a great many of my hardships are no more.
I've thoroughly enjoyed watching ABC's new show Expedition Impossible. I don't have tv, so i watch it online while i pack, or wash dishes, etc. It's very inspiring. One thing i love is that for each and every team that crosses the finish line, the Host Man says to them, "Congratulations! You made it! Come in and get some rest."
That is completely what i hear in my soul: "Congratulations! You made it! You were sifted like wheat and you lived to tell about it. I am making all things new; come and get some rest."
We packed everything up and left the Big City behind, and are so thankful to be here. A week later, our house is still in complete disarray, but we're thankful nonetheless. You might have expected this to be the post when i unveil pictures of our new house, but unfortunately you're going to have to keep waiting for that.
The moving experience was long and hard, but fortunately we had no major events. U-Haul, being who they are, almost didn't give us a truck, but in the end they came to their senses. Apparently we're rough on movers. We had hired a team of 4 guys to move us out of our old place and into the truck, but one guy must have heard about our heavy armoire and the 3 flights of stairs, because he decided not to show up. When we got here, we hired 2 guys to move everything from the truck into our new place, and about an hour into it, one of the guys injured his ankle. That meant it was just one guy plus Mark moving all our stuff (and we have an unneccessary amount of stuff).
My sister flew up from Atlanta to help me transport the BabyGirl and our two cats. I never would have survived without her. I am just in total awe of how loving, how giving, and how hard-working she was. It is so incredibly humbling to be given a gift that you can never repay. I'll never forget her kindness.
We also had some huge help on Moving Day from Blake and Emily. Emily worked like a dog to clean my kitchen, and she was so dang speedy! She really set an example that i've been trying to live up to. Multiple times over the past week as i've been doing task after task, i tell myself, "Be fast like Emily!"
One thing that is so very sad is that we missed David's birthday. He is the BabyGirl's bff (whether she realizes it or not), and we have treasured our "stare dates" over the past year, and i very much wanted to be able to celebrate him being #1.
Once we arrived here, we began our search for a new church home. We looked on the internet and selected a candidate. As we were getting ready on Sunday morning, The Professor joked that it was like going on a first date. You feel excited and hopeful, but recognize there's a slim chance that it will work out, and most likely you'll have to go on numerous first dates before you find something that sticks. The church we picked for our first round was called "New Life Community Church." It's so meaningful on a number of levels. There is the obvious biblical meaning, that we have new life in Jesus. But it's significant for The Professor and I because we are here starting a new life. On the church's website it said, "A place for new beginnings", which fits our situation perfectly!
When the service began and everyone stood up for the singing, i saw that a couple of people in front of us were wearing the church's t-shirt, which had the verse Revelation 21:5 on the back:
And He who sits on the throne said,
"Behold, I am making all things new."
I very nearly started sobbing right then and there. It felt like a message directly from God to my heart. All the trials, and suffering, and difficulties, and frustration of the past 1.5 years are over! The demands of my job, the violating bus ride, the heavy loads up 3 flights of stairs, the night noises on the street that keep you from sleeping - it's all behind me. He is making all things new. Yes, life is hard no matter where you are, but a great many of my hardships are no more.
I've thoroughly enjoyed watching ABC's new show Expedition Impossible. I don't have tv, so i watch it online while i pack, or wash dishes, etc. It's very inspiring. One thing i love is that for each and every team that crosses the finish line, the Host Man says to them, "Congratulations! You made it! Come in and get some rest."
That is completely what i hear in my soul: "Congratulations! You made it! You were sifted like wheat and you lived to tell about it. I am making all things new; come and get some rest."
Monday, July 18, 2011
The Most Trailer-Trash Yard on the Block
The three of us took a whirlwind trip to visit our new city in order to look for a place to live. After what felt like a thousand showings, we signed a lease on an adorable, albeit teeny, little blue house! We are very excited about it. For the first time in our married lives, we will have a yard! I'll show you a picture to prove it:
![]()
The Professor and I starting making plans for how best to utilize our new yard, and we got a little carried away. He said, "There isn't any shade in the backyard, so we'll need to get one of those canopy things."
And I said, "Well we definitely need patio furniture, because i want to eat dinner outside."
"Oh and the neighbors had a great swing; I'd love to have one like it."
"And of course we'll finally get the BabyGirl a pool."
Within a minute or two, we had taken that cute little patch of grass and turned it into the most cluttered backyard on the block!
The Professor and I starting making plans for how best to utilize our new yard, and we got a little carried away. He said, "There isn't any shade in the backyard, so we'll need to get one of those canopy things."
And I said, "Well we definitely need patio furniture, because i want to eat dinner outside."
"Oh and the neighbors had a great swing; I'd love to have one like it."
"And of course we'll finally get the BabyGirl a pool."
Within a minute or two, we had taken that cute little patch of grass and turned it into the most cluttered backyard on the block!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Ridiculously Good Looking
On the way back from the Women's Retreat, we fulfilled a Retreat tradition and stopped at an outlet mall, where i almost bought this shirt for The Professor:
Why would i buy him this shirt, you ask? It's simple; because he is really, really ridiculously good looking. =]
As we were looking at the men's t-shirts, i told my friend Sue that i gave The Professor a shirt that says, "World's Best Husband", to which she said, "Well he is!" And it's true.
I'm currently very much aware that he is the world's best husband, because we are preparing to move to a new state. There are two aspects of my personality that make this undertaking very challenging. 1) I am a hopeless procrastinator, and 2) I am not a detail-oriented person. When there are tedious, detailed tasks to do, and when there are a GREAT MANY tedious, detail oriented tasks, I start to break down. But my dear husband has already packed about 15 boxes, and we have 3 weeks left. So when do we think i would start packing if i was in charge? Probably 2 days before. But he has already packed about 300 books. He's the best.
In other news, the BabyGirl is still cute. She has now mastered walking to the extent that it is no big deal to her, so in order to keep herself challenged she has developed more advanced skills for herself to practice. And to watch her perform these skills, by the look on her face she believes herself to be quite the daredevil! These are her Advanced Walking Skills:
1. Walking on her tip-toes
2. Walking backwards
3. Putting a bucket over her head and walking without being able to see
4. Stepping over high objects while walking
5. Balancing on one leg
6. Marching in place (this is the precursor to jumping. When we say, "Jump!" and we jump up and down to demonstrate, she thinks she is jumping but really she's just marching in place.)
As a sidenote to #4, she always makes sure to hold someone's hand if she is stepping over something too high to get her leg over. The Professor was sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the couch, with his arm resting on the couch. She walked over to him, grabbed his hand, and brought it over to where she was, so that she could hold his hand while stepping over his leg.
As we were looking at the men's t-shirts, i told my friend Sue that i gave The Professor a shirt that says, "World's Best Husband", to which she said, "Well he is!" And it's true.
I'm currently very much aware that he is the world's best husband, because we are preparing to move to a new state. There are two aspects of my personality that make this undertaking very challenging. 1) I am a hopeless procrastinator, and 2) I am not a detail-oriented person. When there are tedious, detailed tasks to do, and when there are a GREAT MANY tedious, detail oriented tasks, I start to break down. But my dear husband has already packed about 15 boxes, and we have 3 weeks left. So when do we think i would start packing if i was in charge? Probably 2 days before. But he has already packed about 300 books. He's the best.
In other news, the BabyGirl is still cute. She has now mastered walking to the extent that it is no big deal to her, so in order to keep herself challenged she has developed more advanced skills for herself to practice. And to watch her perform these skills, by the look on her face she believes herself to be quite the daredevil! These are her Advanced Walking Skills:
1. Walking on her tip-toes
2. Walking backwards
3. Putting a bucket over her head and walking without being able to see
4. Stepping over high objects while walking
5. Balancing on one leg
6. Marching in place (this is the precursor to jumping. When we say, "Jump!" and we jump up and down to demonstrate, she thinks she is jumping but really she's just marching in place.)
As a sidenote to #4, she always makes sure to hold someone's hand if she is stepping over something too high to get her leg over. The Professor was sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the couch, with his arm resting on the couch. She walked over to him, grabbed his hand, and brought it over to where she was, so that she could hold his hand while stepping over his leg.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Sometimes You Get What You Need
We've been singing a particular song around our house recently, maybe you've heard of it. It's "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones. You see, The Professor and I went away for a romantic weekend for our 7 year anniversary, and the BabyGirl's grandparents came to stay with her. They loved her and squeezed her and spoiled her rotten, such that when we came back she had a hard time understanding why we wouldn't give her every little thing she wanted, exactly when she wanted it. In order to help her through the confusion of readjusting back to normal life, we sang her that song.
And it was kind of fitting for The Professor and I too. We wanted certain things that we didn't get. And like the BabyGirl, we had a hard time understanding why it wasn't being given to us. Also like the BabyGirl, we cried when we didn't get it.
But as the song goes,
If you try sometimes
You just might find --
You get what you need!
And that's what happened! The Professor got a job!
So all the hopes and dreams and what-if's that were crushed in late May are now suddenly granted. We will move to a suburban setting, he will work full-time, and i will stay home with the BabyGirl!
It's very surreal, and i can't fully comprehend it. A quote from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory keeps playing in my head. Willie Wonka says, "But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted . . . He lived happily ever after."
As it turned out, I submitted my 2 weeks notice at work yesterday, and my last day was today. I have long been scheduled for vacation at the end of this week and all of next week, so i won't even be at work for 1.5 of my last 2 weeks. Which is a huge blessing from a pack-up-and-move standpoint, but a big letdown from a finding-closure-with-work-friends standpoint. Most of my conversations went like this:
Me: Guess what, I'm moving away!
Dr Bob: Really, where?
Me: [Town that i'm moving to].
Dr Bob: That's great? When is your last day?
Me: Today!
Dr Bob [with bewilderment]: Um, okay . . . ?
I have a mountain of thoughts and feelings about retiring from my very intense profession, with 2 days notice, after doing it for 8 years. Truth be told, I'm pretty dang good at what i do, and i have saved many lives. I love a good cardiac arrest more than anyone should. My favorite thing is being able to act quickly and decisively in the midst of an emergency. That job has sucked the life out of me more times than not, but it was my act of service and my way to make a difference.
Now, just like that, it's over.
The Professor and i, with the BabyGirl, are beginning a new stage of life. Like my sister said in a post you must read, we are turning. I have done a lot of spinning around the past year, but it has been haphazard and frenetic. I did not keep my eyes fixed on the Solid Rock, and i did not remain steady. But now we have a fresh beginning. This time i hope to turn correctly. This time i hope to turn around to the place just right.
And it was kind of fitting for The Professor and I too. We wanted certain things that we didn't get. And like the BabyGirl, we had a hard time understanding why it wasn't being given to us. Also like the BabyGirl, we cried when we didn't get it.
But as the song goes,
If you try sometimes
You just might find --
You get what you need!
And that's what happened! The Professor got a job!
So all the hopes and dreams and what-if's that were crushed in late May are now suddenly granted. We will move to a suburban setting, he will work full-time, and i will stay home with the BabyGirl!
It's very surreal, and i can't fully comprehend it. A quote from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory keeps playing in my head. Willie Wonka says, "But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted . . . He lived happily ever after."
As it turned out, I submitted my 2 weeks notice at work yesterday, and my last day was today. I have long been scheduled for vacation at the end of this week and all of next week, so i won't even be at work for 1.5 of my last 2 weeks. Which is a huge blessing from a pack-up-and-move standpoint, but a big letdown from a finding-closure-with-work-friends standpoint. Most of my conversations went like this:
Me: Guess what, I'm moving away!
Dr Bob: Really, where?
Me: [Town that i'm moving to].
Dr Bob: That's great? When is your last day?
Me: Today!
Dr Bob [with bewilderment]: Um, okay . . . ?
I have a mountain of thoughts and feelings about retiring from my very intense profession, with 2 days notice, after doing it for 8 years. Truth be told, I'm pretty dang good at what i do, and i have saved many lives. I love a good cardiac arrest more than anyone should. My favorite thing is being able to act quickly and decisively in the midst of an emergency. That job has sucked the life out of me more times than not, but it was my act of service and my way to make a difference.
Now, just like that, it's over.
The Professor and i, with the BabyGirl, are beginning a new stage of life. Like my sister said in a post you must read, we are turning. I have done a lot of spinning around the past year, but it has been haphazard and frenetic. I did not keep my eyes fixed on the Solid Rock, and i did not remain steady. But now we have a fresh beginning. This time i hope to turn correctly. This time i hope to turn around to the place just right.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
What do you mean, the kitties don't speak English?
It's so fascinating to me to watch the process of a baby learning language. The skill is a combination of so many different things. First there is the physiological process of making sound by moving air through one's vocal cords, and all the numerous elements that into that. And also is the mental process of recognizing what language signifies. Certain objects have specific sounds associated with them. But then once you get past simply naming objects, you learn that invisible things have names too, like "I love you." I just think the whole thing is so interesting!
Anyway, now that we've gotten the nerdy stuff out of the way, let's move on to the cuteness. The BabyGirl is in a stage where she immitates every sound she hears. She doesn't imitate the sound with 100% accuracy, but it's clear enough that you know she's trying, and it's adorable. When the timer goes off on the microwave, she says, "Beep! Beep!" When she throws a ball on the floor, she says, "Boom!"
She jibber-jabbers almost all the time. As she's walking around our condo, or while she's on the floor playing, she keeps up a continuous string of babble. During a Skype session recently, her Grandpa commented, "Aww, she's really trying to talk!" The BabyGirl's response to that comment, however, would be, "I'm not TRYING to talk, Grandpa. I AM talking." Most of the time she acts as if the things she says make perfect sense. She'll look me right in the eye and give a long string of sounds, and then pause to wait for my response. When i don't respond in a timely fashion, she gives a big huff and goes away.
The three of us were at Target the other day and we got into a "Crazy Noises Contest." It went like this: the BabyGirl said something (in babytalk) totally crazy sounding, and generally pretty loudly. Then i would make some crazy noises, and we'd go back and forth. It was hilarous!
During the process of imitating sounds, the thing that we laugh about the most is when she mimics the kitties. When they say, "Mah-row," she says "mah-row" too! She copies all the noises they make. The Professor and i were talking about it, and realized that she has no way to discriminate between the sounds we teach her and the sounds the kitties teach her. As far as she is concerned, "eye," "book," and "mah-row" are all ligitimate words! She might be disappointed one day when she finds out that the kitties don't speak our language, and here she is trying so hard to talk like them.
Anyway, now that we've gotten the nerdy stuff out of the way, let's move on to the cuteness. The BabyGirl is in a stage where she immitates every sound she hears. She doesn't imitate the sound with 100% accuracy, but it's clear enough that you know she's trying, and it's adorable. When the timer goes off on the microwave, she says, "Beep! Beep!" When she throws a ball on the floor, she says, "Boom!"
She jibber-jabbers almost all the time. As she's walking around our condo, or while she's on the floor playing, she keeps up a continuous string of babble. During a Skype session recently, her Grandpa commented, "Aww, she's really trying to talk!" The BabyGirl's response to that comment, however, would be, "I'm not TRYING to talk, Grandpa. I AM talking." Most of the time she acts as if the things she says make perfect sense. She'll look me right in the eye and give a long string of sounds, and then pause to wait for my response. When i don't respond in a timely fashion, she gives a big huff and goes away.
The three of us were at Target the other day and we got into a "Crazy Noises Contest." It went like this: the BabyGirl said something (in babytalk) totally crazy sounding, and generally pretty loudly. Then i would make some crazy noises, and we'd go back and forth. It was hilarous!
During the process of imitating sounds, the thing that we laugh about the most is when she mimics the kitties. When they say, "Mah-row," she says "mah-row" too! She copies all the noises they make. The Professor and i were talking about it, and realized that she has no way to discriminate between the sounds we teach her and the sounds the kitties teach her. As far as she is concerned, "eye," "book," and "mah-row" are all ligitimate words! She might be disappointed one day when she finds out that the kitties don't speak our language, and here she is trying so hard to talk like them.
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